


Collaboration Squared

by cgner



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fans & Fandom, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Epistolary, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cgner/pseuds/cgner
Summary: James and Lily are partnered together on a work project, just at the same time that renowned fandom creators rubyraptor and prongs-not-forks are paired together for the Miraculous Ladybug Big Bang fest. (Featuring art by anxiouspineapples!)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 393
Kudos: 576
Collections: James and Lily Fanfics, SIX OF CROWS FICS





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The more time that passed after I started writing this, the more notes I needed to add. 2020, what a year!
> 
> 1\. The art: I started this story back in January. Then I put it aside soon after because I lost interest. Cue lockdown in March and me thinking, I should ask anxiouspineapples to illustrate some of this story because it fits with the plot. So I asked her and she said yes and then I had no choice but to, you know, write it. Meg’s work is so gorgeous and I’m beyond thrilled she contributed all the art you’ll see interspersed throughout the story!!!
> 
> 2\. Screw the pandemic: I started writing this fic back in mid-January and set the story at the same time. The timeline obviously intersects with current events…but who the f needs reality in their fanfiction. Extremely modern AU with no corona!
> 
> 3\. Screw JKR: Fuck TERFs. Trans rights are human rights.
> 
> 4\. The lowdown on Miraculous Ladybug, a real French children’s cartoon: Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a teenage girl with low self-esteem who is in love with Adrien Agreste. Adrien Agreste is her classmate and a model who likes Marinette as a friend. They are the two superheroes that protect Paris from villains—Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Chat Noir—but their real identities are a secret, including to each other. Chat Noir is hopelessly in love with Ladybug, but she has made it clear she’s in love with someone else. ONLY THE SOMEONE ELSE IS HIM BUT NEITHER OF THEM REALIZE IT! It’s such a dumb show but the love square is extremely compelling. Anyway you barely even need to know that much to read this fic.
> 
> 5\. Acknowledgments: This is for my poor Linds who still hasn’t fully recovered from Covid after literal months. I love you so much, babe. Thanks for reassuring me that this story was worthwhile. I also have to acknowledge that some of the workplace b.s. in this story is either from my life or GhostofBambi’s. And of course thanks to my fabulous beta, Karaline!
> 
> 6\. I'll update with the later chapters every couple days. You know me - this is all written and edited. ;)

_Skype for Business – Monday 13 January, 2020, 11:34 am_

**Lily Evans:** He’s here _again!!!_

 **Mary Macdonald:** Wasn’t he there yesterday??

 **Lily Evans:** YES

 **Lily Evans:** He just walked by my desk again two minutes ago.

 **Lily Evans:** And he definitely left with at least one new pen in his shirt pocket yesterday, too!!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Mr Potter should be ashamed of raising a thief.

 **Lily Evans:** Well, it’s not _thieving_ , technically. He’s probably legally entitled to them, right? Unless he’s taking them home for his own use.

 **Lily Evans:** That might actually be a crime.

 **Mary Macdonald:** What possible use could he have for all these pens at work _or_ at home? He’s got to be doing something with them besides writing. They’re not just sitting there on his kitchen table.

 **Lily Evans:** At this point he’s stolen too many to even _fit_ on a kitchen table.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Maybe he’s shoving them up his arse.

 **Lily Evans:** Now there’s an idea.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I mean there are only so many single-use things to do with a pen.

 **Mary Macdonald:** And you can’t use them as a toothpick. Or you could, but we would see ink stains on his mouth.

 **Lily Evans:** Maybe he’s building a giant Jenga-like set with them.

 **Lily Evans:** If so, I feel entitled to play as a member of the department he’s stealing them from.

 **Mary Macdonald:** he’d have to take the caps off first – those ridges would ruin the balance.

 **Lily Evans:** Obviously.

 **Lily Evans:** you bring lunch today?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Yeah. You still have that half sandwich from yesterday?

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah. I’ll be ready in like ten, ok? I want to finish what I’m working on.

 **Mary Macdonald:** You would delay lunch with me for your extracurricular activities??

 **Mary Macdonald:** (Don’t lie to me - I saw you do your quick screen change when I walked by earlier.)

 **Lily Evans:** Extracurricular activities makes it sound like I’m banging someone on the sly.

 **Mary Macdonald:** i mean do your characters bang?

 **Lily Evans:** That’s disgusting—they’re fifteen!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** I have some news that I’m glad you’re sitting down for

 **Lily Evans:** I know, I know, but these are like my children. They don’t have sex in my stories.

 **Lily Evans:** Unless I age them up. Then they can bang.

 **Lily Evans:** But not onscreen because it still weirds me out conceptually.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Well whenever your sexually-repressed teens let you go, I’m ready for lunch.

 **Lily Evans:** Noted.

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Monday 13 January, 2020, 6:16 pm_

Hi, rubyraptor! Thanks so much for participating in the first-ever Ladybug Big Bang – I can speak for a lot of us on the organizing team when I say that we literally squealed with joy when we saw you were signing up!!! We’re all huge, huge fans and cannot *wait* to see what you come up with. We’ve paired you up with prongs-not-forks, which, obviously, means this is our most-anticipated collab. No pressure, I guess?? But seriously, we know whatever you two put together will be *chef’s kiss*.

As a reminder, all submissions are due at 23:59 UTC on February 29. You can email it to us at [ladybugbigbang@gmail.com](mailto:ladybugbigbang@gmail.com).

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Monday 13 January, 2020, 8:15 pm_

 **rubyraptor:** DORCAS

 **rubyraptor:** DORCAS

 **rubyraptor:** BIG BANG PAIRED ME WITH PRONGS-NOT-FORKS!!!!!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** WHAT

 **homo__dorkus:** OH MY GOD THAT’S AMAZING

 **homo__dorkus:** THE MAN. THE ARTIST. THE LEGEND.

 **rubyraptor:** I KNOW.

 **rubyraptor:** He’s going to be illustrating MY STUFF!

 **rubyraptor:** He’s going to be READING my stuff oh my god

 **homo__dorkus:** does he not already???

 **rubyraptor:** Not that I know of. He doesn’t follow me, and he’s never reblogged any of my fics.

 **homo__dorkus:** He might’ve and you just didn’t notice.

 **rubyraptor:** You seriously think I wouldn’t have noticed his name anywhere in my activity feed??

 **homo__dorkus:** okay legit

 **homo__dorkus:** oh shit. That’s kind of awkward, isn’t it, that he doesn’t read your stuff.

 **rubyraptor:** No??

 **rubyraptor:** I don’t know. Because no one’s _obligated_ to read anything I write.

 **homo__dorkus:** Maybe he’s read your fics but just didn’t reblog them.

 **homo__dorkus:** He doesn’t reblog a ton so it’s plausible.

 **homo__dorkus:** I’m looking at his page now and it’s mostly just his comics.

 **rubyraptor:** Would it be weird if I asked him to just tell me the storyline and I’ll turn it into a longer-form piece of prose??

 **homo__dorkus:** yes

 **homo__dorkus:** He didn’t sign up for a collaborative fest just so he could basically do it himself, right?

 **rubyraptor:** That’s true.

 **rubyraptor:** And it’s not like he needs the attention from a fest for more followers.

 **rubyraptor:** God, what do I say to him? Hi, Prongs, long time reader, first time talker.

 **homo__dorkus:** wow

 **rubyraptor:** Shut up I’m just brainstorming

 **rubyraptor:** I know I can do better

 **rubyraptor:** Oh wait, should I send a gif as an opener?

 **rubyraptor:** If so which one??

**homo__dorkus:**

**rubyraptor:** Like you wouldn’t be equally desperate in my shoes.

 **homo__dorkus:** oh I absolutely would but since I’m not it’s very funny

 **rubyraptor:** Ok. New plan.

 **rubyraptor:** I’m going to let him message me first so he can set the tone. And maybe reveal if he does read my stuff or not.

 **homo__dorkus:** it’s not that it’s a bad idea

 **homo__dorkus:** but here’s a subtler approach

 **homo__dorkus:** write him a note that says do you like me, check one: yes ___ no ___

 **homo__dorkus:** guaranteed to work

 **rubyraptor:** shut up

* * *

 **From:** [fghali@potterproducts.com](mailto:fghali@potterproducts.com)

 **Sent:** Monday 13/1/2020 20:30

 **To:** [levans@potterproducts.com](mailto:levans@potterproducts.com)

 **Subject:** Urgent – meetings tomorrow morning

Hi Lily,

You’ll see in your inbox an invitation to a meeting with some of Fabian’s team tomorrow morning. Someone on his team has had to go on immediate medical leave—Jenny’s going to be out for a few months. Fabian and I talked, and we’d like you to help out with one of their projects in her stead since you have similar expertise. They’re at a critical juncture, so it makes the most sense to have you join their existing team meeting tomorrow and get up to speed as quickly as possible. Fabian said he’d have someone catch you up first thing so you can keep pace with the team meeting. Don’t worry about your workload – I’ll shift some of your other duties around to make room.

Please see me with any questions. You’ll do great!

Farha

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Monday 13 January, 2020, 9:49 pm_

 **prongs-not-forks** : hi there. i guess we’re collaborating for big bang?

 **rubyraptor:** Yeah!

 **rubyraptor:** I mean, yes, so the mods tell me. I’m really excited.

 **prongs-not-forks** : me too. this fest is a great idea

 **prongs-not-forks** : with all this new content to read i’ll be set every time i don’t feel like doing my day job

 **prongs-not-forks** : not that i have a night job. i just didn’t want to say real job because that makes it sound like i have a fake one

 **prongs-not-forks** : which i could have, i suppose. fandom doesn’t know me. i can claim whatever fake job i want

 **prongs-not-forks** : have i mentioned i’m secretly an astronaut

 **rubyraptor:** I’ll have to go back through your posts to look for the coded messages you left about it.

 **prongs-not-forks** : lol please report back on how obvious i’ve been. but in private so i can keep my secret

 **rubyraptor:** I’m here for your obfuscating needs.

 **prongs-not-forks** : the partner i never knew i needed.

 **prongs-not-forks** : the mods have done me a true service

 **rubyraptor:** Hopefully you feel the same once I start writing…whatever we’re going to make.

 **prongs-not-forks** : i, an astronaut, am not worried.

 **prongs-not-forks** : seriously tho i’m dead excited for this. i’ve never worked on anything so long before

 **rubyraptor:** You haven’t?

 **rubyraptor:** I mean obviously your comics are brief but they’re also clearly not the first thing you’ve ever drawn

 **prongs-not-forks** : nah

 **prongs-not-forks** : don’t have the attention span for novel-length anything

 **prongs-not-forks** : but for you and this fest i will attempt to hone it to a space laser focus

 **rubyraptor:** Are space lasers more focused than Earth lasers?

 **prongs-not-forks** : …yes

 **prongs-not-forks** : so how do we start? haven’t collaborated before either

 **rubyraptor:** Since this fest is trope-based, it would make sense to basically pick one from the knowns and move from there.

 **prongs-not-forks** : d’you have any ideas about which one you want to do?

 **rubyraptor:** This is totally an initial idea and I’m not set on either, but I was thinking about coffeeshop or fake dating. They’re popular, but they’re also classic for a reason. But I’m super open to whatever you’re thinking about!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** both please

 **rubyraptor:** ohmygod BOTH

 **prongs-not-forks:** too bad astronauts in space isn’t a trope or i’d vote for that. i could bring my strong background in astronauting to bear

 **prongs-not-forks:** although i guess i don’t want to seem *too* knowledgeable or people might catch onto my secret profession…

 **rubyraptor:** Shut up we’re doing coffeeshop fake dating

 **prongs-not-forks:** i suppose we can go with my first and very brilliant idea if you insist

 **rubyraptor:** Yes please yes

 **prongs-not-forks:** ok

 **prongs-not-forks:** so who works at the coffeeshop – or do they both?

 **prongs-not-forks:** shit sorry. you’re the writer. idk if you want to just figure it out and have me draw, or whatever

 **rubyraptor:** No no no, I absolutely want to develop it with you!!

 **rubyraptor:** I mean if you want.

 **rubyraptor:** You can just do the art if that’s what you prefer

 **prongs-not-forks:** oh i’m definitely here for creating the narrative together if you are.

 **prongs-not-forks:** so long as you still put most of the words together, i’ll be happy as a clam

 **prongs-not-forks:** but like a free clam in the ocean. not one on someone’s plate about to be eaten

 **rubyraptor:** I’m just throwing it out there that you could be happy like a mammal or something that would be easier to relate to.

 **prongs-not-forks:** wait

 **prongs-not-forks:** i always thought the saying was because it kind of looks like clams are smiling

 **rubyraptor:** Have you ever seen a clam??

 **rubyraptor:** I’ll grant you they look like mouths, but smiling seems like a stretch.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i mean

 **prongs-not-forks:** brb gotta google clams

 **rubyraptor:** Oh my god

 **rubyraptor:** I’m trying to decide whether you’re going to get weird sex things in the results because that’s how the internet works

 **rubyraptor:** But I really hope they’ve left clams alone.

 **rubyraptor:** Oh god I hope.

 **prongs-not-forks:** THEY HAVE FOR NOW BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY THE LITTLE MERMAID LIED TO ME

 **prongs-not-forks:** all the animals in the movie looked so happy

 **rubyraptor:** Were there even clams in the movie??

 **prongs-not-forks:** I DON’T KNOW

 **prongs-not-forks:** OK WE’RE BOTH GOING TO WATCH UNDER THE SEA AND DEBRIEF ABOUT WHETHER THERE ARE CLAMS AND IF THEY ARE HAPPY

 **rubyraptor:** OK OK OK

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 14 January, 2020, 11:18 am_

**Lily Evans:** So Farha’s having me help Fabian's team for a bit. I went to their team meeting this morning.

 **Mary Macdonald:** oh? that could be fun

 **Lily Evans:** But FIRST

 **Lily Evans:** I had a one on one meeting with Pen-Stealing Potter. Thirty whole minutes of just the two of us.

 **Lily Evans:** (to have him catch me up to speed)

 **Mary Macdonald:** OH MAN

 **Mary Macdonald:** Did you ask him about the stolen pens

 **Lily Evans:** How could I not

 **Mary Macdonald:** YOU DID??

 **Lily Evans:** oh my god of course I didn’t fucking show up to my first meeting with a new team, with THE BOSS’S SON, and demand he explain his weird pen habits

 **Mary Macdonald:** Did he rub his thievery in your face by using one of the pens?

 **Lily Evans:** Well, no. He didn’t even use a pen. He stood most of the meeting

 **Mary Macdonald:** He stood??

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah, it’s…I don’t know. Seemed like an excess energy thing.

 **Lily Evans:** He was walking around a lot but in an excited way. Not like a power trip, ‘I stay standing while you sit’ way.

 **Lily Evans:** Omg but he _did_ use multiple dry erase markers to draw an elaborate ‘Welcome!’ on the board. Before I got there. It had flowers and chemical compounds and all sorts of stuff around it. It must have taken at least 15 minutes.

 **Mary Macdonald:** for a 30 min meeting

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah

 **Lily Evans:** I can’t

 **Mary Macdonald:** why are they paying him to work here oh right nepotism

 **Lily Evans:** Actually

 **Lily Evans:** He knew his stuff. Like I will give him that—he knew the project well and had handouts for me with background info and answered all my questions.

 **Lily Evans:** So he definitely wastes time and steals pens from other departments, but at least he can tell you what’s happening on his team.

 **Mary Macdonald:** What a high bar. He can communicate what’s happening around him.

 **Lily Evans:** MEN

 **Mary Macdonald:** MEN!

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Tuesday 14 January, 2020, 6:04 pm_

 **homo__dorkus:** SO????

 **rubyraptor:** OMG I can’t believe I forgot to send you an update

 **rubyraptor:** I was up late talking to him

 **homo__dorkus:** Yes and???

 **rubyraptor:** Dorcas

 **rubyraptor:** Can you be in love with someone you’ve never met

 **rubyraptor:** Asking for a friend.

 **homo__dorkus:** No. That’s why internet dating never took off.

 **rubyraptor:** Ah yes, who could forget

 **rubyraptor:** Anyway, we decided on the trope we’re doing and that’s it.

 **rubyraptor:** Then we ended up watching The Little Mermaid to look for clams.

 **homo__dorkus:** sexy

 **rubyraptor:** Ariel is objectively hot.

 **rubyraptor:** But for a movie about a mermaid, very little of it takes place underwater.

 **rubyraptor:** prongs-not-forks: ‘i give it 2/10 for clam presence. they’re mostly used as instruments. so dehumanizing. declamifying???’

 **homo__dorkus:** i’m gonna assume there’s some context and we can breeze right past that

 **rubyraptor:** For the record I’m not actually in love.

 **rubyraptor:** Or at least only like 10% in love. Which is only up from 5% purely from loving his comics.

 **rubyraptor:** It was just a really lovely time

 **homo__dorkus:** It’s reassuring that someone who seems cool based on his art turned out not to be an unsolicited-dick-pic-sending serial killer.

 **rubyraptor:** Serial killing I could deal with. He’d probably only murder pedophiles.

 **homo__dorkus:** The karma balance on that checks out.

 **homo__dorkus:** Did he say anything about your existing fics??

 **rubyraptor:** I misread that as my existing dics

 **homo__dorkus:** fair

 **rubyraptor:** But no he didn’t say anything about my stuff

 **rubyraptor:** Which I feel like means he hasn’t read my stuff

 **rubyraptor:** Which is…not great.

 **rubyraptor:** What if he has read my stuff, secretly hates my writing, and is just being polite??

 **homo__dorkus:** then i doubt he’d be so nice to you

 **rubyraptor:** Unless it’s a ruse.

 **homo__dorkus:** He does seem like the type who’s game for a ruse

 **homo__dorkus:** But the simpler explanation is he hasn’t read your stuff at all, but will, like most people in fandom, love it

 **rubyraptor:** But what if he doesn’t.

 **homo__dorkus:** Then he’ll murder you like a pedophile.

 **rubyraptor:** Better murdered than having to deal with an extremely awkward social situation.

 **homo__dorkus:** I hear that

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Tuesday 14 January, 2020, 7:49 pm_

 **prongs-not-forks:** ok i’ve been thinking about two things all day

 **prongs-not-forks:** 1) clams

 **prongs-not-forks:** did you know they have hearts???

 **prongs-not-forks:** and that clams definitely have too many organs in them to sound hollow like a drum? where do the disney lies end?????

 **prongs-not-forks:** 2) which one of them works at the coffeeshop??

 **rubyraptor:** Hmm

 **rubyraptor:** I assume we’re aging them up to uni age?

 **prongs-not-forks:** do you mean the clams or adrien and marinette?

 **rubyraptor:** I was talking about the organ-filled creatures on land, yes.

 **prongs-not-forks:** ok thought so

 **prongs-not-forks:** uni age works for me

 **rubyraptor:** Then it depends how AU we’re going. In a more canon verse, Adrien wouldn’t need a barista job. The Agrestes are too rich for that.

 **prongs-not-forks:** true true true

 **rubyraptor:** Marinette is definitely more likely to need a job…

 **rubyraptor:** But Adrien might get a barista job to make friends! That seems very canon

 **rubyraptor:** That lonely cinnamon roll

 **prongs-not-forks:** like the cinnamon rolls marinette would use her baking prowess to make and sell at the coffeeshop

 **rubyraptor:** Yes!!! That’s perfect

 **prongs-not-forks:** you ok with keeping the backstory pretty canon? fics that abandon the love square always feel like a missed opportunity to me

 **prongs-not-forks:** which isn’t to say there aren’t brilliant fics that don’t break that

 **prongs-not-forks:** but my vote would be to keep the love square

 **rubyraptor:** :)

 **rubyraptor:** I feel exactly the same way.

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 17 January, 2020, 9:10 am_

**James Potter TM: **hey you got a sec

 **Lily Evans:** Yes.

 **Lily Evans:** But only after you explain the TM in your name.

 **James Potter TM: **oh god sorry

 **James Potter TM: **sometimes i forget it’s there

 **James Potter TM: **um

 **James Potter TM: **my traitorous rat of a mate works in IT

 **James Potter TM: **and my other mate convinced him to do it

 **James Potter TM: **the betrayal is both profound and ongoing

 **James Potter TM: **when i remember that it’s still there i often check to see if it’s the ides of march

 **James Potter TM: **but no. 364 days of the year it’s just unexpected and unwarranted duplicity

 **James Potter TM: **hey are you still there? i can bother you later if now’s not good

 **Lily Evans:** I’m still here.

 **Lily Evans:** I just have several follow-up questions and can’t decide whether I really want to know.

 **James Potter TM: **my mum thinks it’s hilarious so my dad lets peter keep it there

 **Lily Evans:** Harsh.

 **James Potter TM: **like the sands of the sahara

 **Lily Evans:** Right.

 **Lily Evans:** So what did you want to talk about?

 **James Potter TM: **oh right

 **James Potter TM: **sorry

 **James Potter TM: **can we talk about the methodology tweaks you suggested this morning?

 **James Potter TM: **something you said got me thinking

 **Lily Evans:** Go on.

 **James Potter TM: **ok

 **James Potter TM:** so

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 17 January, 2020, 11:52 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** Your calendar says you’re free for lunch. Do you need food or do you have some?

 **Lily Evans:** I was planning to eat with you but something’s come up

 **Lily Evans:** I’m actually having lunch with Potter.

 **Mary Macdonald:** To interrogate him about pens?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Or to go pen shopping?

 **Lily Evans:** We’re saving stationary shopping for our second lunch. I am a lady, thank you.

 **Lily Evans:** We’ve been chatting all morning about this project and we’re on a roll, so we’re going to keep talking over lunch

 **Mary Macdonald:** If you go through this whole project without solving this pen mystery, I will be devastated

 **Lily Evans:** I expect at this rate he’ll tell me eventually.

 **Lily Evans:** He’s already explained the trademark in his Skype username

 **Mary Macdonald:** Trademark???

 **Lily Evans:** I will text you my screenshots of that part of the conversation later

 **Lily Evans:** Suffice it to say his pen thievery is not even the weirdest part about him.

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Saturday 18 January, 2020, 10:03 am_

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m so excited for this collab

 **prongs-not-forks:** i can’t stop thinking about it

 **prongs-not-forks:** i mean i do have to stop thinking about it to do my astronauting, but even then it slips in and i tragically must shove it away while i focus on the intricacies of black holes to save humanity

 **rubyraptor:** Is black holes the only space term you know?

 **prongs-not-forks:** supernova, galaxy, moon… these are all astronaut terms

 **prongs-not-forks:** i have more but obviously i can’t tell you about them because they’re secrets only known to us astronauts

 **rubyraptor:** If only Disney had made a space movie. Then you could have plenty of misconceptions about that, too.

 **rubyraptor:** Actually it’s probably good they haven’t made one – this way at least you have no knowledge instead of inaccurate knowledge.

 **prongs-not-forks:** brb off to pitch a new disney film about space astronauts and their wacky hijinks

 **rubyraptor:** Isn’t the word ‘space’ implied with astronauts

 **prongs-not-forks:** how is the writing coming???

 **rubyraptor:** I see your deflection and I’ll allow it.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’ve started doing some sketches but it’s more to figure out style

 **rubyraptor:** Yeah??

 **prongs-not-forks:** playing with hairstyles for marinette

 **prongs-not-forks:** if she’s in uni she’s ditching the pigtails

 **rubyraptor:** Oooh yes, that works for me.

 **rubyraptor:** Although you are of course the artist so do whatever makes sense to you

 **prongs-not-forks:** it’s a collab! so i am happy to present you with this certificate of getting to have an opinion

 **rubyraptor:** I only accept framed certificates.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i don’t give out any other kind

 **rubyraptor:** Then I accept and opine that pigtails are out.

 **prongs-not-forks:** your writing’s coming along nicely, i hope?? i'm so excited

 **prongs-not-forks:** i may have already said that but it’s fine because i’m not the writer so who cares if i’m repetitive

 **rubyraptor:** I’ve been working on it!

 **rubyraptor:** Sorry that might’ve sounded defensive. It was an excited statement.

 **rubyraptor:** Like you I’m still trying to find the right style for this. Given your involvement it’s coming out pretty light-hearted

 **prongs-not-forks:** it might’ve been anyway because who ever heard of a dark coffeeshop fic

 **rubyraptor:** Yes. Coffeeshop AUs, where only the coffee’s allowed to be dark.

 **prongs-not-forks:** a-fucking-greed

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Saturday 18 January, 2020, 8:22 pm_

 **rubyraptor:** I have to send him some writing eventually, right?

 **homo__dorkus:** i mean

 **homo__dorkus:** if you’ve found a different way to collaborate

 **homo__dorkus:** then please wow me and the world with your magic

 **rubyraptor:** He still hasn’t said anything about my fic.

 **homo__dorkus:** I’d love to be the supportive voice and say that’s a good sign

 **rubyraptor:** There’s no way it is

 **homo__dorkus:** Yes. That was the end of my message.

 **homo__dorkus:** I’d love to reassure you but I can’t.

 **rubyraptor:** oh fuck

 **rubyraptor:** OH FUCK

 **homo__dorkus:** good oh fuck or bad oh fuck

 **rubyraptor:** He just sent me some sketches and i

 **rubyraptor:** oh fuck

 **homo__dorkus:** you’re deliberately taunting me

 **homo__dorkus:** I’m not going to ask anything more. If you want to tell me then tell me.

 **rubyraptor:** I’m not sure I should share them since they’re not really mine to share

 **rubyraptor:** but they’re

 **rubyraptor:** I mean they’re sketches but it’s just so _different_

 **rubyraptor:** I didn’t know he could draw like this

 **homo__dorkus:** this is cruel

 **homo__dorkus:** why must you taunt me in this way

 **rubyraptor:** like it’s so his style still but it’s also so much more fleshed out

 **homo__dorkus:** let me seeee

 **rubyraptor:** ok just one and DON’T YOU DARE TELL ANYONE OR SHARE IT

 **homo__dorkus:** yessssssssssssssss

 **homo__dorkus:** OH FUCK

 **rubyraptor:** you see????????????

 **homo__dorkus:** oh yeah

 **homo__dorkus:** like his comic art is perfectly suited to his comics

 **homo__dorkus:** but who knew the boy had range???

 **rubyraptor:** NOT ME

 **homo__dorkus:** fuck this is going to be such a good collab

 **rubyraptor:** He also sent Marinette with her hair down and a couple other updos but I like this one best.

 **homo__dorkus:** you’re at like 15% now aren’t you

 **rubyraptor:** no comment

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Sunday 19 January, 2020, 1:39 pm_

 **prongs-not-forks:** super cool, no rush or anything

 **prongs-not-forks:** but i sent some sketches to you last night and i wasn’t sure if they came through or

 **rubyraptor:** yes!!

 **rubyraptor:** I got them

 **rubyraptor:** I’m so sorry, I’ve been trying to think of what to say

 **prongs-not-forks:** that’s the sort of thing people say when they hate stuff cool cool cool

 **prongs-not-forks:** just going to go find a stray cat and have it scratch me and die slowly of rabies

 **rubyraptor:** I loved them!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** oh thank fuck

 **prongs-not-forks:** you’ll have to catch me another day, alley cat

 **prongs-not-forks:** but our feud is not over

 **rubyraptor:** I didn’t mean to start a

 **rubyraptor:** Oh no. No, I see you were talking to the alley cat.

 **prongs-not-forks:** he’s tried to get me several times

 **prongs-not-forks:** he’s jealous

 **prongs-not-forks:** long story

 **rubyraptor:** At least you’ve picked a worthy nemesis in a cat. If you’d picked a squirrel I might’ve had to reassess my opinion of you.

 **rubyraptor:** I looked at your stuff last night and I was just…surprised.

 **rubyraptor:** But good surprised!!

 **rubyraptor:** It’s just so different than your comics, and that’s all I’ve seen, and I was going to write you a really nice note about them but then I got nervous about it and procrastinated by writing the fic instead.

 **prongs-not-forks:** #relatable

 **prongs-not-forks:** and also oh thank fuck

 **rubyraptor:** I’m sorry I made you panic and think I hated them!! I’m seriously in love with them and can’t wait to see the final drawings you come up with.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i admit, i’m a little relieved i don’t have to die by rabies out of shame

 **prongs-not-forks:** d’you think i could get a rabies vaccine if i just explained to the doctor how often i get into feuds with stray animals

 **rubyraptor:** Just tell them you’re an astronaut and I think they’ll definitely give you an injection.

 **rubyraptor:** You might pass out and wake up in a small, locked room, but you should be used to that from the space shuttle.

 **prongs-not-forks:** eh, worth it. i really can’t stress how many feuds i’m currently in with strays

 **rubyraptor:** ok

 **rubyraptor:** i was going to let that slide

 **rubyraptor:** but now you *have* to tell me more

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 21 January, 2020, 11:40 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** lunch?

 **Mary Macdonald:** I have some extra cake from my dad. Tres leches!

 **Lily Evans:** Yes!!!!!!!!!!

 **Lily Evans:** Sorry, that was misleading. That was yes to cake. No to lunch

 **Mary Macdonald:** Not Potter again?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Are any pens going missing from your purse?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Did he steal any from the café on Friday?

 **Lily Evans:** He didn’t! There was one on the counter but he left it there

 **Lily Evans:** Picky man, apparently. Only fresh pens will do.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Only stolen pens will do.

 **Mary Macdonald:** oh no, what if he just gets off on thieving and the pens are just the cheapest thing he can steal while still getting his jollies?

 **Lily Evans:** Fuck. I have to work with this man now, you realize

 **Lily Evans:** I have at least one meeting a day with him

 **Lily Evans:** And now the despicable word _jollies_ is tied to his face in my head and that’s entirely your fault

 **Lily Evans:** You can buy back my favor with cake.

 **Mary Macdonald:** so long as you don’t share it with your jollied thief

 **Lily Evans:** First of all, I hate you so much except when you give me cake

 **Lily Evans:** Second of all, I’m not having lunch with The Thief (mine??)

 **Lily Evans:** It’s extracurricular business keeping me occupied

 **Mary Macdonald:** i’m a jealous and possessive woman, Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** Who else am I supposed to eat lunch with?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Wendy?

 **Mary Macdonald:** _Heather_?

 **Lily Evans:** Read your romance novels on your phone

 **Mary Macdonald:** I am in the middle of a really good one.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Fine. Good luck with your writing.

 **Lily Evans:** Thanks

 **Lily Evans:** I’m actually just rereading some stuff I wrote before I send it to someone else and I’ve sweated right through my jumper and my lab coat with nerves

 **Lily Evans:** And so if you wanted to send me more pen pilfering theories throughout the afternoon, after I send this, that would be much appreciated to distract me from my mortal terror

 **Mary Macdonald:** finally, the assignment i was born to complete.

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Tuesday 21 January, 2020, 7:05 pm_

 **homo__dorkus:** Still nothing?

**rubyraptor:**

**homo__dorkus:** You waited longer to get back to him than this

 **rubyraptor:** Oh I am deeply aware and I regret everything

 **homo__dorkus:** It does take longer to read something than to look at a drawing

 **rubyraptor:** I knowww

 **homo__dorkus:** hmmmm

 **homo__dorkus:** Wanna watch the Origins episodes so we can die about the umbrella scene again?

 **rubyraptor:** yes please

 **rubyraptor:** thank you

* * *

 _tumblr –_ _Friday 24 January, 2020, 1:11 am_

**prongs-not-forks**

YOU GUYS

YOU GUYSSS

I’VE BEEN GOING THROUGH RUBYRAPTOR’S ENTIRE COMPENDIUM OF WORK

I HAVE NOT SLEPT MORE THAN A COUPLE HOURS AT A TIME IN SEVERAL DAYS

WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT HER EARLIER

I AM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS ON ALL ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM

IF YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING ON THIS, GET GOING ON YOUR READING IMMEDIATELY!!!!

* * *

_tumblr – Friday 24 January, 2020, 7:42 am_

**homo__dorkus:** well we’ve got several answers now haven’t we

 **rubyraptor:** 1\. I have not been so relieved since I finally got my period three weeks late when I was 24

 **rubyraptor:** 2\. My inbox is blowing up

 **rubyraptor:** 3\. Why the fuck didn’t he message me personally during his binging???

 **rubyraptor:** 4\. HE LIKES MY WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** let’s focus on #4

 **rubyraptor:** OH I AM

 **rubyraptor:** Or rather I will after my meeting-packed morning

 **rubyraptor:** How am I supposed to focus on work with this going on???

 **homo__dorkus:** idk but good fucking luck

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 24 January, 2020, 2:18 pm_

**Lily Evans:** James Potter is under my desk

 **Mary Macdonald:** Is this a metaphor of some kind?

 **Lily Evans:** No.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Somehow this doesn’t strike me as out of character for him.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Is he fixing your computer wires or something?

 **Lily Evans:** No

 **Lily Evans:** He just ran in here and said ‘Hide me!!’ and ducked under there

 **Mary Macdonald:** Are the police pursuing him for thievery????

 **Lily Evans:** I tried to ask him what’s going on but he shushed me!

 **Lily Evans:** Which, to be fair, talking to him does rather negate my ability to provide effective hiding assistance

 **Mary Macdonald:** I. Am. Living for this.

 **Lily Evans:** I have no idea what the hell is going on but he has been acting really out of it the last few days so idk

 **Lily Evans:** Hold on going to give him my number so we can text

* * *

_iMessage – Friday 24 January, 2020, 2:20 pm_

**Lily Evans:** Ok what the fuck

 **James Potter** : i am hiding from my dad

 **Lily Evans:** But why are you hiding here??

 **James Potter** : he blocked my exit! i had nowhere else to go

 **Lily Evans:** Literally there are thousands of people in this building and hundreds of rooms

 **James Potter** : he knows my usual hiding spots

 **James Potter** : i’ve got to keep changing my methods

 **James Potter** : throw him off his rhythm

 **Lily Evans:** He’s not a kidnapper

 **Lily Evans:** I mean I assume. I can’t claim to know him particularly well but one does hope the best of one’s employers.

 **James Potter** : it’s worse than that

 **James Potter** : he wants me to go to my racist aunt’s for dinner tonight

 **Lily Evans:** And pray tell, how does hiding mean he can’t invite you?

 **Lily Evans:** He’s got a mobile of his own, yes? And I would wager your phone number? Or at least your work email address since this is, I dunno, his company?

 **James Potter** : he knows i can’t reject this invitation/directive in person

 **James Potter** : i’m weak

 **Lily Evans:** So you need to get out of the building without seeing him.

 **James Potter** : exactly!!

 **Lily Evans:** Can your friend in IT cause a distraction?

 **James Potter** : pulled that trick too many times for my dad to fall for it

 **Lily Evans:** oh fuck I see him I’m putting my phone down

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 24 January, 2020, 2:40 pm_

**Mary Macdonald:** WHAT IS HAPPENING

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lilyyyyyyyyyy

 **Mary Macdonald:** You start this conversation on a Friday afternoon and disappearrrrrrrr

 **Lily Evans:** Sorry!!!

 **Lily Evans:** Ok here’s the update

 **Mary Macdonald:** thank god

 **Lily Evans:** His dad was trying to force him to go to his racist aunt’s for dinner

 **Mary Macdonald:** Ew

 **Lily Evans:** It has been established that Mr Potter is a genius so I shouldn’t be surprised he found James hiding under my desk

 **Mary Macdonald:** How did he know where he’d be???

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh, probably security footage

 **Lily Evans:** I assume idk

 **Lily Evans:** But in any case when he showed up, James was all, Lily asked me to help her learn a new way to tie her shoes

 **Mary Macdonald:** He didn’t use the more plausible computer issue tactic?

 **Lily Evans:** Of course he fucking didn’t, that’s a sensible answer

 **Lily Evans:** So they go back and forth for a while under this extremely stupid pretext

 **Lily Evans:** And finally Mr Potter lays it out that he looks forward to meeting James in the lobby at 5:30 to go to the dinner

 **Lily Evans:** And I

 **Mary Macdonald:** What???

 **Lily Evans:** Ok so you _know_ about my sister and like

 **Lily Evans:** I’d never want anyone to have to spend unnecessary time with shitty family just because Family Matters, which it fucking doesn’t, and family doesn’t mean you have to take or listen to abuse

 **Mary Macdonald:** I vaguely see where this is going

 **Lily Evans:** So long story short, I chime in that James can’t go to the dinner because he promised to help me move a sofa out of my flat tonight

 **Lily Evans:** Since my new one is getting delivered tomorrow

 **Mary Macdonald:** nice

 **Mary Macdonald:** Way to lie to your employer about meaningless shit

 **Lily Evans:** Whatever, shut up, I had to

 **Lily Evans:** So Mr Potter gets this weird look on his face, thinks it over for like a second, and then is all resigned, like, fine, whatever

 **Mary Macdonald:** You clever bitch! I love this

 **Lily Evans:** He leaves and James is still here and I’m like, hello you’re welcome

 **Lily Evans:** And _then_ James is like, I’m so sorry

 **Lily Evans:** And I’m like yes you’ve really disrupted my strong, productive, Friday afternoon workflow, how dare you

 **Lily Evans:** And he’s like, yes, sorry for bothering you, but I’m even more sorry that I actually do have to go to your flat now

 **Mary Macdonald:** He does realize you don’t have a sofa coming tomorrow??

 **Lily Evans:** He said his mum is going to demand photographic proof

 **Mary Macdonald:** Is that his idea of a come on?

 **Lily Evans:** I really don’t think so

 **Lily Evans:** He was genuinely apologetic

 **Mary Macdonald:** This is fucking gold

 **Lily Evans:** So anyway now he _is_ coming to my flat tonight to take a few pictures of himself there.

 **Lily Evans:** Ok I see that written now and seriously it sounded much less creepy when we were plotting this

 **Mary Macdonald:** You big softie

 **Lily Evans:** I know! But whatever, it’s not that big a deal.

 **Lily Evans:** Better than making him deal with shit relatives

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh absolutely

 **Mary Macdonald:** Please text me updates tonight, though

 **Mary Macdonald:** I am fully invested

 **Lily Evans:** Oh.

 **Lily Evans:** I will.

* * *

_iMessage – Friday 24 January, 2020, 7:45 pm_

**Mary Macdonald:** Ok I can’t take it anymore. Tell me what happened!!

 **Lily Evans:** He’s still here but I’ve come into the loo

 **Mary Macdonald:** How long does it take to get some selfies?

 **Lily Evans:** He felt really bad about all this so he brought a Chinese

**Mary Macdonald:** Right

 **Mary Macdonald:** This seems super sketch

 **Mary Macdonald:** ‘Oh no, Lily, I’ve got to come to your flat and bring you dinner, this definitely isn’t a convoluted attempt to get in your knickers’

 **Lily Evans:** If this were any other boy, yes, absolutely

 **Lily Evans:** But you don’t understand

 **Lily Evans:** James Potter is physically incapable of guile

 **Mary Macdonald:** If you sayyyyyy so

 **Lily Evans:** He was very embarrassed about all of it

 **Lily Evans:** And I’m hardly going to complain when someone brings me prawn toast and excellent kissing fuck

 **Lily Evans:** DUCK

 **Lily Evans:** oh my god autocorrect the one time I wanted duck!!!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Well if any kissing fuck does turn up, I will lord my ‘I told you so’ all over you

 **Mary Macdonald:** Also I hope it is a good kissing fuck because it’d have to be for you to risk banging the boss’s son

 **Lily Evans:** It was a friendly kissing duck!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Then why is he still there?

 **Lily Evans:** Because I panicked and didn’t know what to do

 **Lily Evans:** He brought an ungodly amount of food that I can’t possibly finish by myself before it’ll all go bad so I invited him to have some

 **Lily Evans:** And I didn’t want to do awkward small talk while we ate so I put on Friends

 **Mary Macdonald:** so Netflix and ducking?

 **Lily Evans:** Oh yeah, absolutely.

 **Lily Evans:** Nothing turns me on like Ross Geller being a misogynistic douchebag.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh god, I take it back.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I take it back!

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 25 January, 2020, 9:02 am_

**rubyraptor:** So it seems like you liked what I sent you

 **prongs-not-forks:** oh fuck

 **prongs-not-forks:** so here’s the thing

 **prongs-not-forks:** i wrote a very long message to you telling you how much i loved the snippet

 **prongs-not-forks:** and then i opened another tab to see how many other fics you’d written

 **prongs-not-forks:** and i…as you know…started down the rabbit hole

 **rubyraptor:** Righttttt

 **prongs-not-forks:** and i must have closed out of the original tab without ever sending you the message

 **prongs-not-forks:** for which i am eternally apologetic!!! i know how nerve-wracking it is to wait on feedback

 **rubyraptor:** Weirdly, since this is you, this is a plausible excuse.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i feel very under the sea about it

 **prongs-not-forks:** but not in the upbeat, steel drums, disney way

 **rubyraptor:** I’m sure you do

 **rubyraptor:** But I was so anxious waiting for you to say something!

 **prongs-not-forks:** i was such a tit

 **prongs-not-forks:** please do revel in the fact that i feel miserable about it.

 **prongs-not-forks:** feel free to use this against me for years to come

 **rubyraptor:** Bit presumptuous to think we’ll be talking in a few years

 **prongs-not-forks:** oh you think i just read everything you’ve posted and know how much you also enjoy disney and am willing to let you walk out of my life???

 **prongs-not-forks:** that came off way too much like an aggressive ex husband and i apologize once more

 **rubyraptor:** Please. I’ve known you a week. Aggressive isn’t in your wheelhouse, except when it comes to being aggressively uninformed about anything scientific

 **prongs-not-forks:** low blow, ruby raptor, but i’m in the cathouse so i won’t fight back

 **rubyraptor:** In the cathouse with all those strays you’re in feuds with?

 **prongs-not-forks:** yes

 **prongs-not-forks:** that’s exactly where i am

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’ll be here all weekend working on some sketches based on your coffeeshop writing

 **rubyraptor:**!!!!!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** btw your prose flows so incredibly well and i can picture everything you describe perfectly

 **prongs-not-forks:** i laughed out loud at least a dozen times

 **prongs-not-forks:** and i plan to send you annotated comments on the fic so far later

 **rubyraptor:** Fine

 **rubyraptor:** You can come out of the cathouse tonight, then. Once you share another drawing.

 **prongs-not-forks:** woohoo!

 **prongs-not-forks:** take that, alley cat!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in every chapter, the gorgeous art in this story is by the amazing anxiouspineapples. :)

_Skype for Business – Monday 27 January, 2020, 9:22 am_

**James Potter TM: **so thanks again for saving me on friday

 **Lily Evans:** No problem **–** happy I could help you avoid racist relatives

 **Lily Evans:** And thanks for the food – although I do have concerns about the wealth of leftovers potentially enticing local wildlife to invade my flat

 **James Potter TM:** i’ve always been a proponent of go big or go home

 **James Potter TM: **and the whole point was that i wasn’t supposed to go home but instead go to your flat, so

 **Lily Evans:** I suppose it’s better than if you’d shown up with one fortune cookie to split

 **James Potter TM: **where would you even acquire one fortune cookie

 **Lily Evans:** If you had it left over from a previous Chinese food experience?

 **James Potter TM: **i don’t understand

 **James Potter TM: **like if someone had takeaway and _didn’t_ eat the cookie?

 **Lily Evans:** Sounds like something a psychopath would do.

 **James Potter TM: **it’s definitely a bad omen if someone has one

 **James Potter TM: **like if i ever show up with just one fortune cookie, you’ll know it’s code for ‘someone’s following me help’

 **Lily Evans:** Does that happen to you often? I didn’t realize you were a such a high-priority target for kidnappers

 **Lily Evans:** Although you do have wealthy parents, so I suppose there’s a ransom angle.

 **James Potter TM: **oh god i never thought about that

 **James Potter TM: **so glad we established this code for when that eventuality occurs

 **Lily Evans:** Rather than get into the fact that you really should have someone else as a primary emergency contact, I’m going to tell you about the idea I had over the weekend

 **James Potter TM: **fine. if you insist.

* * *

_tumblr – Monday 27 January, 2020, 7:30 pm_

**rubyraptor:** PRONGS

 **rubyraptor:** I CAN’T STOP EMOTING OVER THIS DRAWING

 **rubyraptor:** THIS IS THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF PERFECTION

 **rubyraptor:** Everything about this is exactly how I pictured it in my head

 **prongs-not-forks:** :D :D :D

 **prongs-not-forks:** yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss oh thank fuck

 **rubyraptor:** The nervous-excited expression on Marinette’s face and the oh so delicate way they’re holding hands

 **rubyraptor:** I’d accuse you of mind-reading but I feel like that’s going to encourage you to take up new hobbies and distract you from drawing

 **prongs-not-forks:** this is a valid concern

 **prongs-not-forks:** lucky for you i already tried to pick up telepathy when i was younger

 **prongs-not-forks:** and also YOU LIKED IT this makes me feel excellent beyond belief

 **rubyraptor:** I’m thrilled!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** well all credit to you for writing such a cute and funny scene!! it’s what we talked about, but you were able to put it together in such a brilliant way

 **prongs-not-forks:** the moments of longing go on *just* the right length to make my heart happy. lingering looks. touches that end a hair longer than planned

 **rubyraptor:** Awwww thank you!!!

 **rubyraptor:** Your ideas are really making this such a fun story. It’s so different than doing it all alone

 **rubyraptor:** But in a good way!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** we make a pretty ace team, imo

 **prongs-not-forks:** possibly the best partnership i’ve ever been in

 **rubyraptor:** Your astronaut colleagues will be devastated to hear this, I’m sure.

 **prongs-not-forks:** don’t get me wrong they’re all brilliant

 **prongs-not-forks:** one newer colleague in particular is outstanding and we’ve got such a good flow going already

 **prongs-not-forks:** like with you, it’s not that we have the same brain because that would be dead boring

 **rubyraptor:** It’s like we’re on complimentary brain waves

 **prongs-not-forks:** exactly!!

 **rubyraptor:** You can build off of each other and somehow the particular ways their mind works triggers yours in ways you didn’t know it could function

 **prongs-not-forks:** thank you both for putting it into words and also proving our point

 **rubyraptor:** You’re welcome

 **rubyraptor:** This is definitely the most fun I’ve ever had collaborating. Even though, like you, one of my colleagues (albeit one who is not an astronaut) gets my brain in weird ways, it’s not quite the same as doing it for art

 **prongs-not-forks:** :) :)

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m seriously having so much fun with this

 **rubyraptor:** :) me too

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 28 January, 2020, 11:39 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** Lunch?

 **Lily Evans:** Sorry, doing a working lunch with James

 **Mary Macdonald:** Again??

 **Mary Macdonald:** Rude.

 **Lily Evans:** We have had lunch together _twice_

 **Lily Evans:** For work purposes!

 **Mary Macdonald:** I know, but he gets to work with you and I don’t have any projects with your team right now and it’s not fair

 **Lily Evans:** It is a dire tragedy that we’re not collaborating

 **Mary Macdonald:** Is he still being weird at meetings? doing more drawings?

 **Lily Evans:** No more random drawings at meetings, no

 **Lily Evans:** As for weird…

 **Lily Evans:** He’s definitely got a…unique energy

 **Mary Macdonald:** yikes

 **Lily Evans:** No, it’s not bad

 **Lily Evans:** He does seem really clever and like…yeah he’s a bit weird sometimes, but he’s also kind of funny

 **Lily Evans:** He definitely knows he’s clever, though

 **Mary Macdonald:** Arrogant, pen-and-friend-stealing thief

 **Lily Evans:** I didn’t say it was bad! Like yes, sometimes he can be a little extra, but sometimes he catches himself and then pokes fun at his own hubris

 **Lily Evans:** I don’t mind him

 **Mary Macdonald:** Clearly not, if you invite him to watch television while eating takeaway

 **Lily Evans:** We’ve hardly talked about anything but work, even when we were watching Friends

 **Lily Evans:** Although he does talk a lot about his flatmate Algernon

 **Mary Macdonald:** He lives with what I assume is an 80 year old man??

 **Lily Evans:** I honestly don’t know anything about Algernon besides that he loves bacon and revenge

 **Mary Macdonald:** He could be 8 or 80 with those traits

 **Lily Evans:** It’s so hard to know from context

 **Lily Evans:** And I don’t want to ask because it’s funnier not knowing

 **Mary Macdonald:** Pen thief and flatmate to a child

 **Mary Macdonald:** The oddities keep adding up

 **Lily Evans:** You should be thankful

 **Lily Evans:** What else would we do if he weren’t here to speculate about

 **Lily Evans:** work all day??

 **Mary Macdonald:** Your point is fair and but I concede it reluctantly

 **Mary Macdonald:** Thank god for James Potter, I guess??

 **Lily Evans:** I mean _that_ seems a bit excessive

 **Lily Evans:** but take it back a bit and yeah

 **Lily Evans:** Who would’ve thought!

* * *

_iMessage – Wednesday 29 January, 2020, 8:51 pm_

**Petunia Evans:** The shipping company confirmed that they delivered your birthday gift two days ago.

 **Petunia Evans:** It’s considered good manners to thank people for gifts, you know.

* * *

_tumblr – Wednesday 29 January, 2020, 9:01 pm_

**rubyraptor**

tomorrow was already going to be a shit birthday and then my _sister_

has the bloody GALL

to send me a BOOK

about CATCHING ‘THE RIGHT SORT’ OF MAN

CATCHING

THE RIGHT SORT

OF MAN!!!

the cover has a WOMAN

in a GOWN

holding a FUCKING FISHING ROD

and if that wasn’t FUCKING ENOUGH

she fucking PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE TEXTED ME

ASKING FOR A FUCKING THANK YOU

FOR HER TERRIBLE FUCKING BIRTHDAY PRESENT

EXCUSE ME

WHILE I GO SCREAM

FOR _A MILLION HOURS_

* * *

_tumblr – Wednesday 29 January, 2020, 9:12 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** i’m so fucking sorry

 **prongs-not-forks:** you deserve way better than that from your family

 **prongs-not-forks:** you’re an incredible person and she’s clearly incapable of seeing that

 **rubyraptor:** thanks

 **rubyraptor:** I’m crying and I hate that I’m crying because I don’t want her to win like that

 **prongs-not-forks:** of course you’re crying, your sibling just did something fucking awful to you

 **prongs-not-forks:** and on your birthday eve!!

 **rubyraptor:** every *fucking* time

 **rubyraptor:** I thought, for a stupid second, when the package arrived with her name on the gift note

 **rubyraptor:** how nice of her

 **rubyraptor:** what a surprise

 **rubyraptor:** Why do I keep getting my hopes up????????

 **rubyraptor:** why can’t I learn my fucking lesson about her????

 **prongs-not-forks:** because she’s family

 **prongs-not-forks:** and so she surely must give some fucks about you

 **prongs-not-forks:** but not enough

 **prongs-not-forks:** not as many as you deserve

 **rubyraptor:** yes

 **rubyraptor:** exactly

 **rubyraptor:** god I feel so stupid

 **prongs-not-forks:** i know <3

 **rubyraptor:** I’m running out of tissues

 **prongs-not-forks:** not surprising

 **rubyraptor:** I’ve put the book in a metal bin

 **rubyraptor:** how do I set it on fire without burning down my flat

 **prongs-not-forks:** okay so first things first

 **prongs-not-forks:** take the battery out of the smoke alarm

 **prongs-not-forks:** then take down your shower curtain and put the bin in the tub

 **prongs-not-forks:** if the metal burns the porcelain there’s ways to get that out so don’t worry

 **prongs-not-forks:** ruby? please tell me it’s going ok

 **prongs-not-forks:** or that you ignored my advice

 **prongs-not-forks:** because i’m starting to think you weren’t serious about it and i maybe should have not said anything and maybe you are now dealing with an out of control fire situation

 **prongs-not-forks:** in which case i deeply apologize and will pay for damages for encouraging you

 **rubyraptor:** it’s on fire and it’s AMAZING

 **rubyraptor:** a stray piece of burning paper melted a bit of the shower curtain on the floor, but now I’ve got the shower turned on at the other end of the tub from the bin and that’s helping keep the embers under control

 **rubyraptor:** I moved the rug and the curtain out of the room too

 **prongs-not-forks:** nice

 **rubyraptor:** I can’t believe I’m doing this

 **prongs-not-forks:** feels good, yeah?

 **rubyraptor:** this is the best birthday present

 **rubyraptor:** thank you.

 **prongs-not-forks:** happy to provide fire-containment advice

 **prongs-not-forks:** a topic i know perhaps too much about for reasons i cannot disclose

 **rubyraptor:** Your astronauting?

 **prongs-not-forks:** well yes, but also other top secret stuff

 **rubyraptor:** Well wherever you learned it, thanks

 **rubyraptor:** And thanks for the emotional support

 **rubyraptor:** That really helped

 **prongs-not-forks:** you’re welcome.

 **prongs-not-forks:** i hope your actual birthday is much better than today.

 **rubyraptor:** thanks. :)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Thursday 30 January, 2020, 8:21 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’ll swing by after my 8:30 to say it properly in person

 **Lily Evans:** Thank you!

 **Lily Evans:** But I’m really not feeling the birthday thing this year since it’s my first without my mum

 **Lily Evans:** So can you please not make a big deal out of it? I think if anyone wishes me happy birthday in person today I’m going to start crying

 **Mary Macdonald:** Absolutely, love.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’ll leave my birthday wishes at that and just come give you a hug, if that’s all right?

 **Lily Evans:** That’s all I want.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’m still taking you to lunch, though.

 **Lily Evans:** I can live with that. :)

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 1 February, 2020, 10:02 am_

**prongs-not-forks:** i hope your birthday ended up tolerable

 **rubyraptor** : It was as good as it was going to be, given the circumstances

 **prongs-not-forks:** i see

 **prongs-not-forks:** do you normally like your birthdays?

 **rubyraptor** : Yes.

 **rubyraptor** : So, so much.

 **rubyraptor** : Or I used to.

 **rubyraptor** : But now I have such a hard time thinking of celebrating it in the future.

 **prongs-not-forks:** because of your sister?

 **rubyraptor** : Yes and no.

 **rubyraptor** : It’s just that she’s the only one left

 **prongs-not-forks:** yeah?

 **rubyraptor** : Right, so.

 **rubyraptor** : It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, but I don’t want to take up your Saturday morning since I know that’s when you have the most drawing time

 **prongs-not-forks:** nah, it’s totally fine

 **prongs-not-forks:** you can tell me about it

 **prongs-not-forks:** if you want, i mean

 **rubyraptor** : Ok. Right.

 **rubyraptor** : So a few years ago

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 2 February, 2020, 12:41 pm_

**homo__dorkus:** So do I get to see more early versions of his art, or are you going to be a dick about it

 **rubyraptor** : I’d love to show you absolutely everything he’s sent me

 **homo__dorkus:** but

 **rubyraptor** : But nothing, that was the end of my message. I’d love to share with you but I can’t.

**homo__dorkus:**

**rubyraptor** : The fic and art are both coming along so nicely, actually. His work is outstanding

 **homo__dorkus:** and he still isn’t an unsolicited dick pic sender so I think we can safely count that as a win

 **rubyraptor** : I’d say he’s the opposite, but the complexities of that idea don’t need exploring

 **rubyraptor** : no dick pics, just fic art, and also…

 **rubyraptor** : after I posted about my sister’s text he messaged me and was really kind about it

 **homo__dorkus:** aww

 **rubyraptor** : And he helped me set her gift on fire

 **rubyraptor** : you know, like a friend

 **homo__dorkus:** you didn’t ask me for help with that??

 **rubyraptor** : It was a spur of the moment thing. I didn’t plan to do it until he told me how.

 **rubyraptor** : Otherwise you know I would’ve

 **homo__dorkus:** thank you

 **rubyraptor** : And then he messaged again yesterday to check in on me, and I ended up telling him about my sister and my parents, and like…

 **homo__dorkus:** i see

 **homo__dorkus:** so like 50% now?

 **rubyraptor** : i mean

 **rubyraptor** : between 33% and 50%

 **homo__dorkus:** uh huh

 **rubyraptor** : He’s such a gifted artist and he’s so funny and kind and clever

 **rubyraptor** : and he *gets* me

 **homo__dorkus:** He could be 92, you know

 **homo__dorkus:** We don’t know how old he is

 **rubyraptor** : I knowwwwwww

 **rubyraptor** : I’m not going to do anything about it, obviously

 **homo__dorkus:** all right good

 **homo__dorkus:** and if you do decide to send him nudes, make sure to get a video of him on camera first so you know if he’s gross

 **rubyraptor** : Thanks for the hot tip

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 4 February, 2020, 10:03 am_

**James Potter TM: **ok so have you seen the good place

 **Lily Evans:** You know I have outstanding taste, so what do you think?

 **James Potter TM: **good

 **James Potter TM:** so just now

 **James Potter TM: **when fabian mentioned some man called jeremy bears

 **James Potter TM: **all i could think about

 **Lily Evans:** Jeremy Bearimy!!!

 **James Potter TM: **was jeremy YES

 **James Potter TM: **ok so glad it wasn’t just me

 **Lily Evans:** That meeting felt like it took a Bearimy

 **James Potter TM: **tell. me. about. it.

 **James Potter TM: **actually i need to tell you about it

 **James Potter TM:** but i don’t believe in talking shit on company platforms

 **James Potter TM: **so i’m going to text you

* * *

_iMessage – Tuesday 4 February, 2020, 10:05 am_

**Lily Evans:** Please tell me this is about Curtis

 **James Potter:** of course it’s about bloody curtis!!

 **Lily Evans:** Why does he feel like he needs to add his commentary to everything??

 **James Potter:** i would pay him literally 100 quid per meeting to sit there and not say anything

 **James Potter:** i offered him once and he got dead offended

 **Lily Evans:** You didn’t!!

 **James Potter:** if anyone ever asks about it, particularly hr, no, i absolutely did not

 **James Potter:** did you know curtis got arrested in argentina one time over an incident ‘with a girl’

 **Lily Evans:** The amount of surprise I have about this is absolutely *minimal*

 **Lily Evans:** I once caught him ‘washing a spoon’ by holding it under the boiling water dispenser

 **Lily Evans:** He preferred yowling in pain over using the sink because ‘the dispenser was closer’

 **James Potter:** he does brilliant work so i will give him that

 **James Potter:** but i did once watch him fall down the stairs despite being distracted by LITERALLY NOTHING

 **James Potter:** he walked up to them and then just kept going like the ground was flat

 **James Potter:** it was like he forgot they existed

 **James Potter:** even though he has worked here

 **James Potter:** for TEN YEARS

 **Lily Evans:** He does produce excellent work

 **Lily Evans:** But he really does seem like he should be dead or in prison at this point

 **James Potter:** his freedom and continuing life are a mystery to us all

* * *

_tumblr – Wednesday 5 February, 2020, 7:29 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** how are you?

 **rubyraptor:** Fine! Just procrastinating writing

 **prongs-not-forks:** the true artist’s life

 **rubyraptor:** What are you up to tonight?

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’ve got evillustrator on while i draw

 **rubyraptor:** Maybe I would’ve written but oh well I’m rewatching that episode with you now

 **prongs-not-forks:** do you think there’s magic in the miraculouses preventing marinette and adrien from recognizing each other?

 **prongs-not-forks:** adrien is definitely different personality-wise when he’s chat noir, marinette less so when she’s ladybug

 **prongs-not-forks:** but how have they not put together that ladybug and chat noir are students at their school???

 **prongs-not-forks:** how has no one realized their response times to that location are basically zero??

 **rubyraptor:** I write as though the Miraculouses do protect their identities

 **rubyraptor:** Marinette thirsts over Adrien enough, I think she’d recognize his arse in a crowd. She’d definitely recognize him with just a half-mask and a different eye color

 **prongs-not-forks:** the only alternative is that marinette and adrien and their friends and classmates are all extremely stupid

 **rubyraptor:** There are so many clues, it hurts

 **rubyraptor:** They should also see that the other superhero is their classmate since they always know the intimate details of their classmates’ lives

 **prongs-not-forks:** too bad the show has such a glacial pace that we will never actually see them learn the other’s identity

 **rubyraptor:** But you know the show would fuck it up if they ever did get to the reveal

 **rubyraptor:** The writers are, at a fundamental level, Not Good.

 **prongs-not-forks:** excellent point

 **prongs-not-forks:** they’d muck it up terribly and it would ruin any enjoyment i ever had from earlier episodes

 **rubyraptor:** Exactly

 **prongs-not-forks:** there’s really no choice but to stick to your headcanons and live quite happily there

 **rubyraptor:** Given how the show is going

 **rubyraptor:** You are very welcome to them :)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 7 February, 2020, 2:31 pm_

**James Potter TM: **so i’ve been watching more friends episodes since last week

 **James Potter TM: **and it hits me so profoundly every episode

 **James Potter TM: **what a complete and utter prick ross is

 **Lily Evans:** This is the only good Friends opinion Michael doesn’t share in The Good Place

 **James Potter TM: **when michael was arguing with the judge about the friends not deserving to be in the bad place, he should’ve sold ross out immediately for this reason!

 **James Potter TM: **‘ross should be in the bad place, but phoebe??’

 **Lily Evans:** Obviously.

 **James Potter TM: **oh and michael never discusses how chandler is obviously bi

 **James Potter TM: **missed opportunities!!

 **Lily Evans:** I get so frustrated watching Friends these days. Some of it is still very funny but so much is irritating to relive.

 **Lily Evans:** Instead of rewatching Friends we should really spend time rewatching excellent telly like The Good Place.

 **Lily Evans:** And yet I can’t stop

 **James Potter TM: **well i’d rather go see knives out than rewatch anything, but my mate has committed a terrible betrayal upon me

 **Lily Evans:** He spoiled it??

 **James Potter TM: **if only he had erred in a moment of excitement and let slip the ending

 **James Potter TM: **i could sooner forgive an accident than an intentional flouting of friendship rules

 **Lily Evans:** I see you’re working towards an Oscar yourself

 **James Potter TM: **he promised to go with me and then went with my other mate!

 **Lily Evans:** All right, I’ll give you that that’s a bit of a betrayal

 **Lily Evans:** But couldn’t he just see it again with you?

 **James Potter TM: **nah he can’t afford it and he hates me paying for stuff

 **Lily Evans:** Ah, I can understand that. But still, what a letdown

 **Lily Evans:** Well, I should say, it’d be more of a letdown if they only let pairs into the theater

 **Lily Evans:** You do realize single tickets are ready and available at any moment?

 **Lily Evans:** Even people challenged with smartphones like yourself can show up in the flesh to the theater and exchange money for paper tickets

 **James Potter TM: **attending the cinema is supposed to be a social gathering!

 **James Potter TM: **plus if i go alone i eat the whole bucket of popcorn and feel very ill

 **James Potter TM: **someone else has to eat the other half to save me from myself

 **Lily Evans:** Somehow I feel like I can’t suggest just eating half

 **Lily Evans:** I suppose I know how theater popcorn is

 **James Potter TM: **exactly! and such a well-reviewed film should be seen in theaters anyway

 **James Potter TM: **preferably before anyone does spoil it

 **Lily Evans:** I’d go with you

 **James Potter TM: **you would??

 **Lily Evans:** I mean, sure.

 **Lily Evans:** If you want, I mean. It’s totally fine if not.

 **Lily Evans:** I want to see it – I’ve heard really good things about it

 **James Potter TM: **you’ve made me the happiest man in the world, lily evans

 **James Potter TM: **take that, theater popcorn sizes!

 **James Potter TM: **you think you’ve fooled me into an unreasonably high caloric intake, but i’ll best you yet

 **Lily Evans:** It’s just occurred to me that maybe your friends don’t like to go to movies with you because you seem like a Talker

 **James Potter TM: **i????

 **Lily Evans:** I’m sorry I said I could go. I’m actually busy at the unspecified time we didn’t decide on.

 **James Potter TM: **my heart has shattered yet again

 **Lily Evans:** I’ll go so long as you—and I realize this will be the Olympic-style challenge for you—keep your mouth shut

 **James Potter TM: **mum’s the word!

 **James Potter TM: **or rather

 **James Potter TM: **KNIVES OUT’S THE WORD

 **James Potter TM: **(s)

 **Lily Evans:** I already have so many regrets

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 9 February, 2020, 7:33 pm_

**rubyraptor:** Are you all right?

 **rubyraptor:** Not that it’s bad art, but your latest post of just a sad face is a little off brand for you

 **prongs-not-forks:** i am in the deepest depths of despair and i don’t know that i will ever reemerge

 **rubyraptor:** Did your space mission fail?

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m at the veterinarian because my cat is really sick

 **rubyraptor:** oh fuck I’m so sorry

 **rubyraptor:** I totally misread things and thought you were joking around. Your poor cat!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** What happened??

 **prongs-not-forks:** he’s been really low energy and pissing where he shouldn’t and some other gross things you don’t need to know about

 **prongs-not-forks:** waiting for some test results right now

 **rubyraptor:** fuck

 **rubyraptor:** I hope he gets better!!

 **rubyraptor:** Is there anything I can do? Do you want a distraction?

 **prongs-not-forks:** no, thanks. i’m going to cuddle him while we wait

 **rubyraptor:** ok

 **rubyraptor:** Please let me know how it goes. Worried about you both.

 **prongs-not-forks:** thanks

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 9 February, 2020, 9:41 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** he’s got a bladder stone

 **rubyraptor:** so he’s ok??

 **prongs-not-forks:** they’re going to do a flushing procedure tomorrow morning but he’ll be ok!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** Thank god!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** yeah

 **prongs-not-forks:** fuck

 **prongs-not-forks:** i was so scared.

 **rubyraptor:** Of course you were!

 **prongs-not-forks:** i thought he might be dying

 **rubyraptor:** :(

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’ve had him since i was a kid and i know he’s going to die someday and he’s getting pretty old for a cat but like

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m not ready

 **rubyraptor:** Who would ever be ready for their cat to die suddenly?

 **prongs-not-forks:** i know i know

 **prongs-not-forks:** but he’s going to die eventually and i can’t stop thinking about it

 **rubyraptor:** Do you want a distraction now?

 **prongs-not-forks:** yes please

 **rubyraptor:** ok um

 **rubyraptor:** I should’ve prepared something earlier

 **rubyraptor:** Ok, here: why is your username prongs-not-forks??

 **rubyraptor:** (it seems very unlikely, but hopefully the answer has nothing to do with your cat)

 **prongs-not-forks:** oh ha

 **prongs-not-forks:** nope unrelated story

 **prongs-not-forks:** but definitely a story

 **prongs-not-forks:** ok so there was one time in uni where i may have been slightly inebriated

 **rubyraptor:** okkk

 **prongs-not-forks:** and my mates and i were getting some late night chinese

 **rubyraptor:** As you do

 **prongs-not-forks:** and despite my best efforts and, frankly, incredible hand eye coordination

 **prongs-not-forks:** i can’t make chopsticks work

 **prongs-not-forks:** it’s extremely embarrassing

 **rubyraptor:** I mean not really, loads of people can’t, but continue

 **prongs-not-forks:** so we’re outside the chinese place and i open up the bag of food and there’s just chopsticks

 **prongs-not-forks:** and i was raised with manners and decency, thank you

 **prongs-not-forks:** i was not going to eat noodles with my hands

 **prongs-not-forks:** so i marched back inside to ask for some forks

 **rubyraptor:** Right…

 **prongs-not-forks:** but again, slightly inebriated.

 **prongs-not-forks:** one might even say *more* than slightly

 **prongs-not-forks:** perhaps even so far gone as to not remember the word ‘fork’

 **rubyraptor:** nooooo

 **prongs-not-forks:** there i am, standing in front of the very nice man at the shop and i can’t find the word i need

 **prongs-not-forks:** so like a reasonable person i try to describe the item in question

 **prongs-not-forks:** and how would you describe a fork if not the thing with the prongs

 **rubyraptor:** lmaooooooooo

 **prongs-not-forks:** my mates likewise found this very entertaining

 **prongs-not-forks:** anyway after some back and forth i thought the man was taking my debit card to charge me for a fork

 **prongs-not-forks:** which seemed like complete garbage but who am i to complain when i can’t use the correct utensils for this food

 **prongs-not-forks:** but much to my dismay, when we sat down in the park outside, i found that inside the bag was not a fork

 **prongs-not-forks:** but instead some prawn toast

 **prongs-not-forks:** not a prong in sight

 **rubyraptor:** oh my god

 **rubyraptor:** i am crying

 **prongs-not-forks:** yeah

 **prongs-not-forks:** so my mates still call me prongs and will probably never ever stop

 **rubyraptor:** that is a beautiful story

 **prongs-not-forks** : you’re welcome

 **rubyraptor:** I’m not over this

 **rubyraptor:** I may never be over this

 **prongs-not-forks** : just prongs was taken for a username so i had to add on the rest

 **rubyraptor:** what a good username story

 **rubyraptor:** Mine’s so boring in comparison.

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah?

 **rubyraptor:** As a child, I liked (and still like) dinosaurs and spy movies

 **rubyraptor:** Ruby Raptor seemed like the sort of name a spy would have

 **rubyraptor:** It was the name I always used for bowling and games and stuff

 **prongs-not-forks** : you are 1000% correct that it’s a spy name

 **prongs-not-forks** : and you’re lucky your story makes you seem very cool

 **rubyraptor:** Your story suits you, though

 **rubyraptor:** Fun and light hearted like you

 **prongs-not-forks** : :) thanks

 **prongs-not-forks** : and thanks for distracting me

 **prongs-not-forks** : i’m feeling better and think i’m going to try to sleep

 **rubyraptor:** glad I could help

 **rubyraptor:** sleep well!

 **rubyraptor:** Let me know how you and your cat are!

 **prongs-not-forks:** will do

* * *

_Skype for Business – Monday 10 February, 2020, 8:56 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** so I just overheard the IT guy telling someone in the break room about Potter’s date this weekend

 **Lily Evans:** oh no

 **Mary Macdonald:** What?

 **Lily Evans:** Hm?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Why would you say oh no to that?

 **Lily Evans:** no reason

 **Lily Evans:** Did you have a nice weekend?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Are you upset Potter has gone out with someone?????

 **Lily Evans:** no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** I mean if you’d left it at 13 exclamation points I might’ve believed you

 **Mary Macdonald:** Why doesn’t Skype have a suggestive eyebrows emoji?

 **Lily Evans:** The words _for Business_ in the product name might provide a clue

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lilyyyy, dish

 **Mary Macdonald:** What’s that saying? Pour me the tea?

 **Lily Evans:** Ughhh fine but only to clear the air and your extreme misinterpretation

 **Mary Macdonald:** Go on

 **Lily Evans:** I went to the cinema on Saturday with someone _as a friend_

 **Mary Macdonald:** I believe that I warned you I would lord this, and lo and behold, my moment of triumph has arrived

 **Lily Evans:** No triumph!

 **Lily Evans:** Don’t you dare wield any sort of triumphant smirk in this moment

 **Lily Evans:** He was talking about how his mate—the one in IT who is slandering me—was supposed to see Knives Out with him but then went with someone else instead and I felt bad for James and I did want to see the movie too, so there

 **Mary Macdonald:** Did you share snacks?

 **Lily Evans:** Only because movie theater popcorn sizes are too daunting to take on alone

 **Lily Evans:** What, should we both have gotten a ‘small’ popcorn to avoid the potential for our hands possibly brushing against each other in a completely platonic way?

**Mary Macdonald:** Mhmmm

 **Mary Macdonald:** And I suppose you met up just before the movie started, watched it silently together, and then parted ways immediately after?

 **Lily Evans:** It was such a fun and complex film that we felt compelled to discuss its twists and turns at a bar afterwards, thank you

 **Mary Macdonald:** Mhmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Lily Evans:** If you don’t stop with your assumptions and insinuations I won’t tell you my newest theory about Algernon

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’ll pause until lunch if you tell me

 **Lily Evans:** 2:30

 **Mary Macdonald:** Deal

 **Lily Evans:** He told a story about how when he was like 12 he and Algernon planted incriminating evidence on a childhood nemesis

 **Mary Macdonald:** Nemesis?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Incriminating evidence??

 **Lily Evans:** I’m using his words, of course

 **Mary Macdonald:** What was the supposed crime???

 **Lily Evans:** idk something with missing school treats

 **Lily Evans:** The point is, clearly Algernon is one of three things

 **Lily Evans:** 1\. A brother with a very unfortunate name who can’t be more than, what, 20 years older than him? Still too young for an Algernon

 **Lily Evans:** 2\. A childhood friend our age who just has a very unfortunate, archaic name

 **Lily Evans:** 3\. An imaginary friend

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh god you’ve cracked it

 **Mary Macdonald:** It’s absolutely #3 it, isn’t it

 **Lily Evans:** The facts all add up

 **Mary Macdonald:** This is almost as much fun as the pen theories

 **Lily Evans:** May these mysteries never be resolved

* * *

_iMessage – Monday 10 February, 2020, 10:15 pm_

**Lily Evans:** Ok so you know I care about you, but could you please not be weird anymore about me and James? I really don’t like when you joke about him fancying me.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Of course.

 **Mary Macdonald:** And I’m sorry. Won’t do it again.

 **Lily Evans:** Thanks.

* * *

_tumblr – Monday 10 February, 2020, 10:44 pm_

**rubyraptor** : Is your cat ok??

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah!!!

 **prongs-not-forks** : he did great. stayed home from the astronaut office today to take him in and then help him recover

 **rubyraptor** : Good!! I’m so relieved

 **prongs-not-forks** : me too

 **rubyraptor** : Give him a cuddle from me

 **prongs-not-forks** : will do

 **prongs-not-forks** : how are you?

 **rubyraptor** : I’m…ok

 **rubyraptor** : Having a bit of a weird night

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah?

 **rubyraptor** : yeah

 **rubyraptor** : random question

 **rubyraptor** : Are you still friends with the people who started calling you Prongs?

 **prongs-not-forks** : um, yeah? i’ve got so used to the name so i don’t mind that they call me that

 **prongs-not-forks** : the name doesn’t offend me or anything

 **rubyraptor** : Yeah, no, I meant it more like…are you still friends even though you’re out of uni now

 **prongs-not-forks** : ohhh ok

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah we’re still mates. i live with one of them and work with another

 **prongs-not-forks** : wish the fourth one would work with me too but he’s ‘got other interests’

 **rubyraptor** : And you guys have been friends since uni?

 **prongs-not-forks** : two are from uni, one i went to school with as a kid

 **rubyraptor** : Wow. That’s so nice.

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah, it is

 **rubyraptor** : God, I wish I had that

 **prongs-not-forks** : :( me too

 **prongs-not-forks** : that you had it, i mean

 **prongs-not-forks** : feeling down?

 **rubyraptor** : yeah

 **rubyraptor** : I just…I miss having really good friends. Like a good group of friends, but especially having at least one really close one

 **rubyraptor** : The ones I have now are still new-ish and not…you know

 **prongs-not-forks** : :(

 **prongs-not-forks** : that must be really lonely

 **prongs-not-forks** : especially with your family not stepping in to fill the void

 **rubyraptor** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : did you and your friends grow apart, or?

 **rubyraptor** : Sort of.

 **rubyraptor** : I had one best friend when I was a kid but he grew up to be a huge prick so I stopped talking to him

 **rubyraptor** : I had more friends in uni, but not a best best friend, and then we all sort of scattered afterwards

 **rubyraptor** : And I moved here and no one else did, or at least no one who’s made the effort to stay in touch, and right after I moved my dad died and I wasn’t, like, in a place to worry about making friends

 **rubyraptor** : I was just trying to get through the day

 **rubyraptor** : And now I’m almost 30 and I have like a couple friends at work, but that’s it, and I don’t know how adults make friends

 **prongs-not-forks** : that’s so miserable

 **prongs-not-forks** : i’d be such a mess if i was in your shoes

 **prongs-not-forks** : and so fucking lonely

 **rubyraptor** : I am

 **rubyraptor** : Christ, I am

 **rubyraptor** : And like it’s getting better but it’s not where I want it to be

 **rubyraptor** : I have one work friend I’ve hung out with a lot, but only at work, and am making a newer one

 **rubyraptor** : I’m planning to go to a book club next month

 **rubyraptor** : But like

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : i get it

 **rubyraptor** : You’re so bloody lucky

 **prongs-not-forks** : oh absolutely

 **prongs-not-forks** : i am lucky on nearly every front

 **prongs-not-forks** : but also

 **prongs-not-forks** : while yes you need more friends and emotional support and so does everyone

 **prongs-not-forks** : there are, perhaps

 **prongs-not-forks** : downsides

 **prongs-not-forks** : to having the same friends forever

 **prongs-not-forks** : and so you may not wish to be in exactly my situation

 **rubyraptor** : Yeah?

 **prongs-not-forks** : i mean

 **prongs-not-forks** : sometimes you want to maybe change a little, or do something differently

 **prongs-not-forks** : but everyone around you has known you forever

 **prongs-not-forks** : and when you start doing something differently, the people around you…notice

 **prongs-not-forks** : and say things

 **prongs-not-forks** : and it makes it…hard

 **prongs-not-forks** : to do anything differently than you ever have

 **prongs-not-forks** : without it becoming a whole Thing

 **rubyraptor** : Yeah?

 **prongs-not-forks** : like when i started dressing like, idk, not a student

 **prongs-not-forks** : or changed my hair

 **prongs-not-forks** : or decided to try sushi and found out that even though i’d always shat all over it i really liked it

 **prongs-not-forks** : and then i came home with some sushi and they made Comments about it and it’s like… just let me live

 **rubyraptor** : That would be really frustrating

 **rubyraptor** : We change over time! It’s not a big deal

 **prongs-not-forks** : exactly

 **prongs-not-forks** : so that’s like…downsides

 **prongs-not-forks** : I’ve changed for sure

 **prongs-not-forks** : but then other people…

 **rubyraptor** : Not so much?

 **prongs-not-forks** : ok like, my best mate. he’s like my brother and i love him

 **prongs-not-forks** : so much

 **prongs-not-forks** : but he seems to be…stuck. a bit. in life.

 **rubyraptor** : And you’re not

 **rubyraptor** : And it’s hard to see him stuck?

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : it’s not his fault that he had a shit family and like, he’s basically done with them, hasn’t talked to them in years

 **prongs-not-forks** : he inherited some money from an uncle and so he didn’t finish uni and he doesn’t have a real job or anything

 **prongs-not-forks** : he’s so emotionally traumatized from his family in a way that, like, therapy has got to fix

 **prongs-not-forks** : but he thinks he’s fine

 **prongs-not-forks** : and i know he could be doing better but i can’t force him to change

 **rubyraptor** : That’s really frustrating

 **prongs-not-forks** : it is

 **prongs-not-forks** : so at least you’re in a position where you can choose friends that…idk. line up with where you are now

 **rubyraptor** : I hadn’t thought about that, but it is true.

 **prongs-not-forks** : and like i don’t mean to dismiss how hard it is to make adult friends, which i understand to be really difficult

 **rubyraptor** : No, I get you

 **rubyraptor** : If I was still friends with my best friend when I was a kid…it doesn’t even bear thinking about.

 **rubyraptor** : I’m well shot of him, the racist bastard

 **prongs-not-forks** : oh yikes

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah you’re better off without him

 **rubyraptor** : I am

 **rubyraptor** : I just miss what he was to me, you know?

 **rubyraptor** : I don’t miss him

 **prongs-not-forks** : that makes sense

 **prongs-not-forks** : it must’ve been really hard to break up with your best friend, tho

 **rubyraptor** : Yeah

 **rubyraptor** : I mean it wasn’t instant or anything

 **prongs-not-forks** : no?

 **rubyraptor** : That is, it was instant in a way – I just decided one day I couldn’t deal with him anymore

 **rubyraptor** : But I tried to change him a lot along the way first

 **rubyraptor** : And we had fights about his opinions and eventually I’d take him back, so to speak

 **rubyraptor** : But then one day he used a word I will not repeat that is completely unforgiveable

 **rubyraptor** : And I blocked his number and his email and all that, and I was done

 **rubyraptor** : I mean he tried to contact me an unhealthy amount, but I never responded and I’ve never regretted it, ever

 **prongs-not-forks** : good for you

 **prongs-not-forks** : you’re very principled

 **rubyraptor** : I suppose

 **rubyraptor** : It’s just, why be friends with someone who keeps changing for the worse, and someone you realize you don’t actually like spending time with

 **prongs-not-forks** : why indeed

 **prongs-not-forks** : hmm

 **rubyraptor** : What?

 **prongs-not-forks** : it’s just…ok

 **prongs-not-forks** : not to keep making this about me

 **prongs-not-forks** : but you’re making me think

 **rubyraptor** : about what?

 **prongs-not-forks** : so my other friend, one from uni, the one i work with

 **prongs-not-forks** : i get the sense that he’s…

 **prongs-not-forks** : growing in a different direction

 **rubyraptor** : I assume by different you mean not good

 **prongs-not-forks** : yes

 **prongs-not-forks** : i have some suspicions about things that would make me…not…want to be his friend anymore

 **rubyraptor** : Oh no

 **prongs-not-forks** : he’s always liked reddit, and you know, there are some good parts of that site

 **rubyraptor** : But also

 **rubyraptor** : The other parts

 **prongs-not-forks** : right

 **prongs-not-forks** : it’s just some of the stuff he says sometimes is a little too…sexist…in the way it comes out

 **prongs-not-forks** : and we always, the other three of us, make sure we say something so he knows he’s not ok to say that stuff

 **rubyraptor** : But he keeps doing it??

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : i think it’s so in his brain now that he can’t…idk, untangle it

 **prongs-not-forks:** and one time i caught him laughing at a pepe the frog meme

 **rubyraptor** : Fuckkk

 **prongs-not-forks:** i want to think we can still save him

 **prongs-not-forks:** but what if we can’t??

 **prongs-not-forks** : he’s so ingrained in my life that i don’t know how i could *stop* being friends with him

 **rubyraptor** : Shit

 **rubyraptor** : That’s such a mess

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : i mean i haven’t talked to my two other mates about it because

 **prongs-not-forks** : well

 **rubyraptor** : It feels like you’re giving up on him?

 **prongs-not-forks** : yeah

 **prongs-not-forks** : it feels like i’d be betraying him

 **prongs-not-forks** : we’ve been friends for almost 10 years and i always thought we’d be…

 **rubyraptor** : Friends forever?

 **prongs-not-forks** : cheesy but yeah basically

 **rubyraptor** : That is such a miserable position to be in

 **rubyraptor** : I really hope he changes

 **rubyraptor** : but like…

 **rubyraptor** : I mean I’m not going to tell you what to do because I really don’t know him or your mates or anything

 **rubyraptor** : But having dropped someone for shitty beliefs…you *can* do it

 **rubyraptor** : And it is bloody awful and messy and horrible, and you think about taking them back all the bloody time, at first

 **rubyraptor** : But you get over it and eventually your life reforms without them in it

 **rubyraptor** : And you’re better off without them

 **rubyraptor** : Again, not saying you should do this!

 **rubyraptor** : But if you need to…it’s manageable

 **prongs-not-forks** : fuck

 **prongs-not-forks** : I hate even thinking about it

 **prongs-not-forks** : but all the same

 **prongs-not-forks** : it’s good to know that it wouldn’t be….a regret

 **prongs-not-forks** : i’ve never told anyone about this before

 **rubyraptor** : I can understand why

 **prongs-not-forks** : i don’t want to break up with him

 **rubyraptor** : I know

 **rubyraptor** : I hope he comes to his senses

 **prongs-not-forks** : me too…

 **prongs-not-forks** : fuck, it’s midnight

 **rubyraptor** : Oh shit

 **prongs-not-forks** : see, my best mate would be like, so what, you’re getting weak, prongs

 **rubyraptor** : We’re full time employees! We need sleep

 **prongs-not-forks** : my body doesn’t do 3 am anymore!

 **rubyraptor** : Nope

 **prongs-not-forks** : ok

 **prongs-not-forks** : going to bed

 **prongs-not-forks** : thanks for sharing all that

 **prongs-not-forks** : that really helped

 **rubyraptor** : Back at you. :)

 **rubyraptor** : sleep well

 **prongs-not-forks** : night!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in every chapter, the gorgeous art in this story is by the amazing anxiouspineapples. :)

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 11 February, 2020, 10:29 am_

**Lily Evans:** Have a good rest of the weekend?

 **James Potter TM: **no actually

 **James Potter TM: **algernon got sick but he’s fine now

 **Lily Evans:** Oh, sorry to hear that.

 **Lily Evans:** Sharp downturn from Saturday, then.

 **James Potter TM: **as sharp as the real knives in the knife chair

 **Lily Evans:** I’d say you slay me with your wit but that would probably encourage you

 **James Potter TM: **way to pun without having any of the pride in it

 **James Potter TM: **if you’re going to do it just do it

 **Lily Evans:** In other contexts that could pass for something like wisdom

 **Lily Evans:** But coming from a man who felt the need to attempt a mock duel with the tiny sword on his cocktail at the bar

 **James Potter TM: **if i had a bar i’d have the decency to give a tiny sword out with every drink

 **James Potter TM: **it’s not much of a duel if only select people bear arms

 **Lily Evans:** A point you made repeatedly on Saturday night

 **James Potter TM: **did i?? hmm

 **James Potter TM: **then my slight headache on sunday morning may not have been from work stress

 **Lily Evans:** It’s nothing for you to make large mental leaps on chemical reactions, but such a small logical step between alcohol and a hangover threw you??

 **James Potter TM: **i spend all of my copious wits at work ;) ;)

 **Lily Evans:** Perhaps if you spent fewer wits on hubris you’d have more to spare for the weekend

 **Lily Evans:** ;) ;)

 **James Potter TM: **eh who needs weekend wits

 **Lily Evans:** Then maybe you’d have seen the ending of Knives Out coming like I did

 **Lily Evans:** Instead of crying ‘Chris Evans how could you!!’ at the screen

 **James Potter TM: **i will not apologize for having feelings

 **James Potter TM: **unlike some men i share mine freely and openly

 **Lily Evans:** You shared them without restraint like a five year old, but fine

 **Lily Evans:** Congratulations, you’re not a paragon of toxic masculinity. Would you like a trophy?

 **James Potter TM: **i never say no to a trophy

 **James Potter TM: **but in the interest of preserving our working relationship

 **James Potter TM: **i will tragically decline this one

 **Lily Evans:** Good to see you didn’t spend your week’s worth of wits on Monday

 **James Potter TM: **nah knew i had to save up for our meeting at 2 today

 **James Potter TM: **figured you’ve had four days since we hit a wall on things and so you, being quite clever yourself, will have solved our problem. i need to be ready to build off of you

 **Lily Evans:** Saving up your wits for me? Generous

 **Lily Evans:** And yes, you predict correctly. I do have a fix in mind.

 **James Potter TM: **knew it

 **James Potter TM: **can’t wait until 2 :)

 **Lily Evans:** Me neither :)

* * *

_tumblr – Tuesday 11 February, 2020, 8:15 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** feeling better today?

 **rubyraptor:** yeah

 **rubyraptor:** I felt better after talking it through :)

 **prongs-not-forks:** i am a terrific friend

 **prongs-not-forks:** if i do say so myself

 **rubyraptor:** Artist. Astronaut. Friend.

 **rubyraptor:** Quite the eclectic resume

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’ve slacked on the art thing the last couple days

 **rubyraptor:** Your cat’s been sick! It’s fine

 **rubyraptor:** We’re still on track

 **rubyraptor:** btw, on your last one – how did you get that hint of suspicion in Adrien’s face about who Ladybug is? It’s so subtle but it’s definitely there

 **prongs-not-forks:** add magician to my resume, please

 **rubyraptor:** But not marine biologist, clam man

 **prongs-not-forks:** we can’t all be brilliant at everything, ruby! some of us are mortal!

 **rubyraptor:** How unfortunate for you ;)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Wednesday 12 February, 2020, 2:45 pm_

**Lily Evans:** I forgot to tell you – James told me that Algernon was sick over the weekend.

 **Lily Evans:** I’m very intrigued about the possibility of imaginary friend illnesses.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Munchausen by impossible proxy??

 **Lily Evans:** tbd!!!

* * *

_iMessage – Wednesday 12 February, 2020, 4:15 pm_

**James Potter:** all hail queen lily, champion shutter-downer of curtis the prat

 **Lily Evans:** The look on his face

 **James Potter:** the look of sheer relief on everyone else’s face when you cut him off

 **James Potter:** we have suffered for years under his tyranny

 **Lily Evans:** It wasn’t too harsh, was it?

 **James Potter:** no

 **James Potter:** it was perfect

 **James Potter:** sliced neatly into his monologue like a bloody surgeon

 **James Potter:** so business-like, so smooth

 **James Potter:** i wish i’d filmed it

 **Lily Evans:** It felt amazing

 **Lily Evans:** He was so perplexed

 **Lily Evans:** He couldn’t believe he wasn’t talking anymore

 **James Potter:** pleeeeeeeeeeeease feel free to repeat that whenever, wherever

 **Lily Evans:** What are you envisioning here?

 **Lily Evans:** Me following him to the pub and shutting him down on quiz night?

 **James Potter:** his teammates would no doubt be grateful

 **James Potter:** you know he’s the sort to insist his answer is right even though he knows nothing about the topic

 **Lily Evans:** Oh he absolutely is

 **James Potter:** seriously. from the bottom of my very large and adoring heart. thank you.

 **Lily Evans:** I didn’t do it for you – I did it for me

 **Lily Evans:** All the same, though

 **Lily Evans:** you’re welcome :)

* * *

_tumblr – Thursday 13 February, 2020, 7:10 pm_

**rubyraptor** : How’s it going?

 **homo__dorkus:** Reading a fic that’s trying to redeem Chloe

 **homo__dorkus:** so fucking irritated

 **rubyraptor** : Why would you inflict that on yourself??

 **rubyraptor** : She’d be redeemable if the show writers understood redemption, but as they don’t

 **homo__dorkus:** idk, I checked the bookmarks of an author who wrote a fic I liked, and ended up here

 **rubyraptor** : You could literally just close the tab

 **rubyraptor** : At any second

 **rubyraptor** : It’s right there

 **homo__dorkus:** And yet

 **rubyraptor** : Well don’t come complaining to me about it when it continues to drive you batty

 **homo__dorkus:** Oh I will

 **homo__dorkus:** But how are you?

 **rubyraptor** : Good!!

 **rubyraptor** : The collab is *chef’s kiss*

 **homo__dorkus:** if you send me a snippet of your fic I won’t complain about the Chloe fic

 **rubyraptor** : Ohhh I see how it is

 **homo__dorkus:** I mean I didn’t *start* reading this fic for that reason

 **homo__dorkus:** but if it pays off

 **homo__dorkus:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **rubyraptor** : One snippet!!

**homo__dorkus:**

**homo__dorkus:** I thank you in advance

 **rubyraptor** : Don’t tell Prongs

 **homo__dorkus:** You full on in love yet?

 **rubyraptor** : I don’t know. It’s complicated.

 **homo__dorkus:** Because he’s probably like 72?

 **rubyraptor** : He does have a cat, which admittedly seems like old man behavior

 **rubyraptor** : But it’s less about Prongs than it is about…someone else

 **homo__dorkus:** ooooooh

 **rubyraptor** : idk

 **rubyraptor** : someone I work with

 **rubyraptor** : there are…potentially…some slight feelings stirring

 **homo__dorkus:** Prongs had better move quickly, then

 **rubyraptor** : You sound archaic

 **rubyraptor** : ‘He’d better work to secure my affections before my colleague returns to his home at Netherfield!’

 **homo__dorkus:** that or you end up in a poly situation with your coworker and an old man

 **homo__dorkus:** which I would not judge you for

 **rubyraptor** : I’m not 100% in love with Prongs, first of all

 **rubyraptor** : Although it’s definitely gone up this week….

 **rubyraptor** : And second, the thing with my coworker…could be unwise to pursue

 **homo__dorkus:** Who sounds archaic now

 **rubyraptor** : He’s the son of the owner

 **homo__dorkus:** Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **homo__dorkus:** Yeah man idk

 **rubyraptor** : We’re only on a short-term project together so it’s not like I’m going to see him most days in the future

 **rubyraptor** : which makes risking it easier

 **homo__dorkus:** except the boss thing

 **rubyraptor** : right

 **rubyraptor** : I’ve never dated a coworker before

 **rubyraptor** : Is it totally idiotic to do it??

 **homo__dorkus:** freelancer, baby

 **homo__dorkus:** who needs coworkers

 **homo__dorkus:** This is how I prefer things but it does mean I’m not very helpful on workplace stuff

 **rubyraptor** : Damn

 **homo__dorkus:** ask Prongs

 **homo__dorkus:** maybe he’ll take the hint and declare his affections first ;) ;)

 **rubyraptor** : please

 **rubyraptor** : this man pretends to be an astronaut

 **rubyraptor** : I think we can safely assume he knows very little about appropriate workplace decisions

* * *

_tumblr – Friday 14 February, 2020, 7:52 am_

**rubyraptor** : so I need a random gut check from an outsider

 **prongs-not-forks:** ah yes

 **prongs-not-forks:** you’ve come to the right place

 **prongs-not-forks:** outsider was almost my middle name

 **prongs-not-forks:** i play by my own set of rules

 **prongs-not-forks:** let the chips fall where they may

 **rubyraptor** : I don’t think that last one has anything to do with the other two

 **prongs-not-forks:** no but you gotta do triads to sound good

 **rubyraptor** : I mean you’re not wrong

 **rubyraptor** : But relevancy matters – you can’t just do a triad of three random things

 **prongs-not-forks:** should i have said i’m too old for this shit?

 **rubyraptor** : I don’t know – *are* you too old for this shit?

 **rubyraptor** : I genuinely have no idea how old you are

 **prongs-not-forks:** guess it depends what this shit is

 **prongs-not-forks:** if the topic is prunes and the good old days, i’m too young for this shit

 **prongs-not-forks:** if it’s tiktok and…oh god, what else do gen zers like??? i don’t even know!

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m too old for this shit!!

 **rubyraptor** : Millennial?

 **prongs-not-forks:** proudly

 **rubyraptor** : Same

 **prongs-not-forks:** anyway what’s the sitch

 **rubyraptor** : kp+rs forever

 **prongs-not-forks:** one of my first ships

 **rubyraptor** : There could not have been a better way to establish our age than that

 **rubyraptor** : In any case, the sitch is my friend

 **rubyraptor** : She’s starting to fancy someone at work but she isn’t sure if it’s worth pursuing

 **prongs-not-forks:** wait am i now agony prongs??

 **prongs-not-forks:** and on valentine’s day

 **prongs-not-forks:** this is truly a dream come true

 **rubyraptor** : My surprise that you’ve dreamed of this is smaller than a quark

 **prongs-not-forks:** u and me baby ain’t nothing but small quarks so let’s do it like they do and form composite particles

 **rubyraptor:** ok I am truly shocked now because you didn’t have time to google that one

 **prongs-not-forks:** astronaut, baby

 **prongs-not-forks:** i know science things!!

 **rubyraptor:** I’m certain that’s what the degree on Buzz Aldrin’s wall is in

 **rubyraptor:** ‘Science things’

 **prongs-not-forks:** agony prongs says that work relationships may or may not be wise

 **prongs-not-forks:** depends on the details

 **prongs-not-forks:** do they work in the same unit?

 **rubyraptor:** No, not usually. Sometimes there are collaborative efforts but not often

 **prongs-not-forks:** ok, that doesn’t sound too bad

 **prongs-not-forks:** is there a company policy against it?

 **rubyraptor:** Not between peers, no

 **prongs-not-forks:** and your friend is a millennial who understands sexual harassment and how to avoid doing it?

 **rubyraptor:** god yes

 **prongs-not-forks:** does the person she likes have a cat?

 **rubyraptor:** Since that’s completely irrelevant, sure, he has a whole shelter full

 **prongs-not-forks:** too many

 **prongs-not-forks:** one cat is the ideal number

 **prongs-not-forks:** two max

 **rubyraptor** : I couldn’t possibly guess how many cats you have, Prongs

 **prongs-not-forks:** i know what the ladies like ;) ;)

 **rubyraptor** : Please write me a list

 **prongs-not-forks:** no moustache

 **prongs-not-forks:** tall

 **prongs-not-forks:** devastatingly good looks

 **prongs-not-forks:** into a pair of fine eyes

 **prongs-not-forks:** be able to wield a harpoon at a sea witch

 **prongs-not-forks:** be a single man in possession of a good fortune and in need of a wife AND/OR be a prince who had a birthday party on a ship that gets shipwrecked

 **rubyraptor** : Prince Eric Darcy is the perfect man?

 **prongs-not-forks:** take that question mark off

 **prongs-not-forks:** obviously

 **prongs-not-forks:** darcy can hunt so i bet he could use a harpoon, you feel?

 **rubyraptor** : And Prince Eric has to be into Ariel’s eyes since she can’t talk

 **rubyraptor** : I really wish I could find fault with your list

 **rubyraptor** : The problem is there somewhere, just give me time

 **prongs-not-forks:** agony prongs knows what he’s about

 **rubyraptor** : Apparently

 **prongs-not-forks:** i mean granted i may be a little biased

 **rubyraptor** : Oh?

 **prongs-not-forks:** yeah

 **prongs-not-forks:** your friend may not be…the only one…in this sort of situation…

 **rubyraptor** : Oh!

 **rubyraptor** : You like a fellow astronaut?

 **prongs-not-forks:** i really, really do

 **prongs-not-forks:** and i think it might work out, actually

 **prongs-not-forks:** despite some of the possible issues

 **rubyraptor** : That’s great

 **rubyraptor** : I hope it works out for you

 **rubyraptor** : At work – talk later!

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 15 February, 2020, 11:55 am_

**rubyraptor** : Well Prongs likes someone else

 **homo__dorkus:** nooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **rubyraptor** : It’s fine

 **rubyraptor** : It’s someone at his work

 **rubyraptor** : Which is really quite funny and I’m not at all bothered by this news

 **rubyraptor** : It works out perfectly

 **homo__dorkus:** :( does it, though

 **rubyraptor** : Yes.

 **homo__dorkus:** i’m sorry babe

 **homo__dorkus:** I know you like him

 **rubyraptor** : I mean I do

 **rubyraptor** : But it’s so stupid, really

 **rubyraptor** : I don’t know his real name or what he looks like or where he lives in the UK

 **rubyraptor** : So why did any part of me think we’d

 **homo__dorkus:** because he’s funny and adorable (personality) and kind

 **homo__dorkus:** and what’s hotter than that? (in any gender)

 **rubyraptor** : Fuck

 **rubyraptor** : At least we’re almost done with the collab and then I can…idk. Have a cooling off period

 **rubyraptor** : And I don’t have to feel torn about my coworker anymore

 **homo__dorkus:** Still

 **homo__dorkus:** It’s okay if you’re not Fine about it

 **rubyraptor** : thanks

 **homo__dorkus:** want to watch Dark Cupid?

 **rubyraptor** : Yes please :)

 **rubyraptor** : These stupid superheroes always cheer me up

 **homo__dorkus:** same, babe. same

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 16 February, 2020, 1:07 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** how’s your weekend going?

 **rubyraptor:** Fine! Reorganizing my whole flat so I’m a little busy, can’t chat

 **prongs-not-forks:** nice. have fun!

* * *

_iMessage – Sunday 16 February, 2020, 1:15 pm_

**Lily Evans:** So I’m rewatching the back half of s4 of The Good Place

 **James Potter:** good call

 **Lily Evans:** And they pull off basically every episode of this show perfectly

 **Lily Evans:** Except the one where Chidi, after regaining 800 years of memories of being in love with Eleanor, randomly starts doubting whether they’re a good match

 **James Potter:** it felt like such a time filler!!

 **Lily Evans:** And weirdly out of character!

 **James Potter:** if he was going to have that revelation it should’ve been before his memory-returns episode

 **Lily Evans:** Right??

 **Lily Evans:** Here’s what I would’ve done with that episode

* * *

_Skype for Business – Monday 17 February, 2020, 11:33 am_

**Lily Evans:** So I was just in a meeting with the team

 **Lily Evans:** And the alarm on James’s phone went off

 **Mary Macdonald:** Rude much

 **Lily Evans:** Extremely, but this was a first offense in my presence and shit happens so whatever

 **Lily Evans:** The alarm going off isn’t the point. The sound it made is.

 **Lily Evans:** It was muffled in his pocket, and I was across the room writing on the white board, but it sort of sounded like a song from the show I like???

 **Mary Macdonald:** The one you write about?

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah

 **Lily Evans:** Not that it means anything to you, but it sounded like Chat Noir’s transformation music

 **Mary Macdonald:** Meaningless indeed

 **Mary Macdonald:** But it sounds specific

 **Lily Evans:** Ok I’ll text you a link to a video of the song. It is very specific.

 **Mary Macdonald:** K, got it. Hold on.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I grant you that it doesn’t sound like any of the normal alarm noises

 **Lily Evans:** I wonder if he likes the show??

 **Mary Macdonald:** It’s too bad there’s literally no way to ever find out

 **Mary Macdonald:** Truly and utterly no method to discover if he watches a television show

 **Mary Macdonald:** We will just have to ponder this question for eternity

 **Lily Evans:** Shut up, it’s an embarrassing show to like because it is for children and it is very stupid

 **Lily Evans:** If he hasn’t heard of it, and I ask him about, I’d have to explain the show to him, or he’d look it up later

 **Mary Macdonald:** So what if he does?

 **Lily Evans:** I don’t know…. It’s just weird.

 **Lily Evans:** I keep work and fandom really separate

 **Mary Macdonald:** Except when you sneak in writing at work about your children

 **Lily Evans:** Yes exactly

 **Lily Evans:** I’m already a young woman in a workplace, and it’s unfair but I wouldn’t want people to see me as this mad teen fangirl, instead of as a professional who’s taken seriously

 **Mary Macdonald:** Hmmm

 **Mary Macdonald:** Ok you’re right, that is unfair, but I can see where you’re coming from

 **Mary Macdonald:** If he does like the show, would you talk about it with him?

 **Lily Evans:** Probably.

 **Lily Evans:** But I wouldn’t tell him about my fic so keep a lid on that

 **Mary Macdonald:** The next time he asks me if you write about two fifteen-year-olds from a French cartoon, I will lie like a very worn rug

 **Lily Evans:** Thanks. ;)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Monday 17 February, 2020, 1:18 pm_

**James Potter TM: **oh hey meant to tell you after the meeting

 **James Potter TM: **i’ve been the point person on getting our team organized to go to the nst conference thurs/fri

 **James Potter TM: **we obviously registered months ago and so jenny’s name is still on the list

 **James Potter TM: **but you should definitely come in her place, if you want

 **Lily Evans:** That would be great!

 **Lily Evans:** I almost asked Farha if I could go this year but I wanted to save my training funds for the LAI conference in the summer

 **James Potter TM: **so you’ll double dip from both training funds, eh??

 **Lily Evans:** Don’t tell your dad? ;)

 **James Potter TM: **i’d never sell you out

 **James Potter TM: **cross my heart

 **Lily Evans:** I should hope you would, if I were doing something seriously wrong

 **Lily Evans:** Like, idk, stealing from the company

 **James Potter TM: **lmao

 **James Potter TM: **when i catch you slipping test tubes down your bra, i’ll be sure to ring my dad immediately

 **Lily Evans:** You’ve never taken anything, then?

 **James Potter TM: **right

 **James Potter TM: **well

 **James Potter TM: **you must take a vow of complete and absolute secrecy about this

 **James Potter TM: **but i have taken something

 **Lily Evans:** I require details

 **James Potter TM: **swear first!

 **Lily Evans:** I do solemnly swear not to reveal what I assume is your petty thievery

 **James Potter TM: **one time i was out of tea at home

 **James Potter TM: **and i was sick

 **James Potter TM: **so i nicked some tea bags from the kitchen to take home

 **Lily Evans:** You absolute rebel.

 **James Potter TM: **i never replaced them with my own tea

 **Lily Evans:** How do you live with yourself

 **James Potter TM: **it weighs on me heavily

 **Lily Evans:** As it should, thief

 **James Potter TM: **how do you think i should atone for my sins?

 **Lily Evans:** By bringing me a cup of tea right now

 **James Potter TM: **such a light sentence

 **James Potter TM: **and such an enjoyable task

 **James Potter TM:** very well ;) i accept

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 18 February, 2020, 8:56 am_

**Lily Evans:** I managed to ask James about stealing from the office in a very natural way

 **Mary Macdonald:** How the hell did that come up naturally?

 **Lily Evans:** It did, promise

 **Lily Evans:** Anyway, he said the only thing he’s stolen from work is some tea bags one time

 **Mary Macdonald:** Was it the good tea, though?

 **Lily Evans:** I did not enquire

 **Lily Evans:** But surely if he would admit to stealing tea bags, he’d feel ok telling me about the pens??

 **Lily Evans:** Although they were from our area and maybe he thinks I’d actually be bothered by it

 **Mary Macdonald:** One-off tea stealing is different than repeatedly taking something over months

 **Lily Evans:** That’s true

 **Lily Evans:** Still, I’m annoyed he didn’t own up to the pen thing

 **Lily Evans:** I gave him such a good opening!

 **Lily Evans:** I reacted very positively to his tea thievery!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Hmmm

 **Mary Macdonald:** Why oh why wouldn’t he tell you why he was always in your area

 **Mary Macdonald:** Or why he stopped his pattern thievery at a particular point in time

 **Mary Macdonald:** I truly cannot think of any reason

 **Mary Macdonald:** I am at a complete loss

 **Lily Evans:** Your sarcasm has been noted but also what??

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** You are extremely clever

 **Mary Macdonald:** I don’t need to tell you

 **Lily Evans:** Well, fuck

 **Mary Macdonald:** I have nothing further to say on the subject

 **Lily Evans:** And I appreciate that.

* * *

_tumblr – Wednesday 19 February, 2020, 6:55 pm_

**prongs-not-forks:** how’s writing the reveal scene going??

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m so excited. i keep checking my phone all day to see if you’ve sent it

 **rubyraptor:** I’m nearly done!!

 **rubyraptor:** Just putting the last edits on it before I can share

 **prongs-not-forks:** i seriously love how you’ve built it up

 **rubyraptor:** It’s been a team effort!

 **prongs-not-forks:** the ideas, yeah. but you’re the one who decided most of the little things about their lives that they slip in, about food preferences and family relationships and turns of phrase, that are all going to make so much sense in an instant

 **prongs-not-forks:** god i fucking love reveal scenes!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** I’m glad we landed on them both realizing right after each other

 **rubyraptor:** It’s always more angsty when one person knows and the other doesn’t, and this is our coffeeshop AU!

 **prongs-not-forks:** no room for angst in our fic

 **prongs-not-forks:** or at least not more than a hint

 **rubyraptor:** Just a soupçon

 **prongs-not-forks:** ugh french

 **rubyraptor:** Traumatized by French classes and grammar?

 **prongs-not-forks:** i would never sully myself by learning that language

 **prongs-not-forks:** the french are too bloody smug

 **rubyraptor:** Prongs

 **rubyraptor:** I feel like this should be self-evident and yet I feel compelled to double check

 **rubyraptor:** What country do you think Ladybug is set in????

 **prongs-not-forks:** i am aware!!!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** but it’s a cartoon that they dub IN ENGLISH

 **prongs-not-forks:** so that part’s fine

 **prongs-not-forks:** and also!

 **prongs-not-forks:** everyone in the show is very stupid and can’t figure out who ladybug and chat noir are, which seems fitting considering it’s set in bloody france

 **prongs-not-forks:** country of mimes and impossible to pronounce words

 **prongs-not-forks:** honestly i feel the show takes the mickey out of the french and therefore i support it

 **rubyraptor:** Nothing you have said or will ever say will shock me more than this revelation

 **rubyraptor:** I’m honestly speechless

 **rubyraptor:** I am laughing quite a bit, though

 **prongs-not-forks:** laugh away

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m the one getting the last laugh

 **prongs-not-forks:** at france!

 **rubyraptor:** I can’t breathe

 **rubyraptor:** I need to go finish this scene but thank you for lifting my spirits

 **prongs-not-forks:** you’re not welcome but good luck!

* * *

_iMessage – Thursday 20 February, 2020, 10:22 am_

**Lily Evans:** This presenter has used the word er at least 500 times

 **James Potter:** er has er he er

 **Lily Evans:** I admit, I was expecting a cleverer joke than that

 **James Potter:** sorry brain been turned to mush can’t think

 **Lily Evans:** I can’t believe they let him speak at this conference

 **James Potter:** he’s a last minute sub – heard from my dad’s mate

 **James Potter:** the woman who was supposed to present went into early labor last weekend

 **Lily Evans:** That explains it

 **James Potter:** at least the keynote was solid this morning

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah

 **Lily Evans:** Did you notice Curtis nodding off during it??

 **James Potter:** it’s not his fault

 **James Potter:** i think he’s physically incapable of listening to something besides his own voice for more than 10 minutes

 **James Potter:** narcissism is a serious disease and we shouldn’t poke fun at it

 **Lily Evans:** You’re right. If we stigmatize it they’ll never seek help

 **James Potter:** we have to be more open and honest about it

 **Lily Evans:** Seriously, struggling to stay awake after lunch I can understand

 **Lily Evans:** But the first morning??

 **James Potter** : he is unparalleled

* * *

_iMessage – Thursday 20 February, 2020, 3:43 pm_

**James Potter** : why does any panel ever take audience questions

 **Lily Evans:** I don’t knowww

 **Lily Evans:** There’s something about giant forums that makes even clever people think that they need to show off by opening their mouths??

 **James Potter** : i mean i admit it’s a lot of men asking very stupid questions

 **Lily Evans:** It’s not all men, though

 **Lily Evans:** The only acceptable use of that phrase

 **James Potter** : if you have a very specific situation that requires a lot of background knowledge, maybe talk to the presenter afterwards and not make us all sit through a five minute prologue to your question that isn’t even a question??

 **Lily Evans:** I wish the presenters would say, you know, interesting point, let’s discuss offline later – this is too specific and is not interesting to 99% of the people here

 **James Potter** : if onlyyyyyyy

 **Lily Evans:** If we ever run a conference, we’re not taking audience questions.

 **James Potter** : fuck. no.

* * *

_iMessage – Thursday 20 February, 2020, 7:15 pm_

**Mary Macdonald:** How’s the conference going?

 **Lily Evans:** It’s a conference – sessions are hit or miss

 **Mary Macdonald:** So true

 **Mary Macdonald:** Having any fun?

 **Lily Evans:** Mm, some. Mostly by texting shit about the presenters with James.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Good idea. Some people who somehow get chosen to present…should not.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Fabian doesn’t mind you being on your phones so much?

 **Lily Evans:** We’re checking our work email very assiduously.

 **Mary Macdonald:** nice

 **Mary Macdonald:** Miss you at the office

 **Lily Evans:** Miss you too!

 **Lily Evans:** Want to get together this weekend?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Yeah!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Sunday brunch?

 **Lily Evans:** Yes please!

 **Lily Evans:** Pick a place while I’m at the conference tomorrow?

 **Mary Macdonald:** On it!

* * *

_iMessage – Friday 21 February, 2020, 2:31 pm_

**Lily Evans:** I think we should try to sneak out

 **Lily Evans:** Go to the loo and don’t come back

 **Lily Evans:** It’s not like he’d notice if we weren’t here

 **James Potter** : he won’t but linda will and she will definitely tell curtis later and then we’ll be fucked

 **Lily Evans:** fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 **Lily Evans:** I know what Curtis is saying is important and interesting

 **Lily Evans:** He’s just so incapable of making it seem that way

 **James Potter** : i’ll tell you the secret to getting through it

 **Lily Evans:** Oh?

 **James Potter** : using your fingernails, stab your palms until it hurts so bad you can drown him out

 **Lily Evans:** I think I’m going to take copious notes on what he’s saying

 **Lily Evans:** He’s saying I need milk and eggs from the shop

 **Lily Evans:** Oh and some biscuits

 **James Potter** : genius

 **James Potter** : i’m going to make a visual representation of what he’s saying

 **Lily Evans:** You can’t doodle – we can’t *both* be taking copious notes

 **Lily Evans:** It’s too suspicious

 **James Potter** : agree to disagree

 **James Potter** : and if i don’t do something soon i will have to shriek to relieve the unrelenting boredom

 **Lily Evans:** I need a drink

 **James Potter** : oh do i have good news for you

 **James Potter** : we all usually go out afterwards

 **James Potter** : but curtis always goes home to his turtle

 **Lily Evans:** oh thank FUCK

* * *

_iMessage – Friday 21 February, 2020, 7:58 pm_

**Mary Macdonald:** How was the second day?

 **Lily Evans:** I met Mr Potter!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh!

 **Lily Evans:** He gave one of the sessions, of course

 **Lily Evans:** Came to find James at the end of the conference

 **Mary Macdonald:** What is he like??

 **Lily Evans:** Weirdly composed, for being the father of his son

 **Lily Evans:** Dry wit

 **Lily Evans:** Like blink and you miss it

 **Mary Macdonald:** Fascinating.

 **Lily Evans:** He’s apparently obsessed with leaving Yelp reviews

 **Lily Evans:** He recommended the place we’re at now

 **Mary Macdonald:** Who’s we?

 **Lily Evans:** Most of the team!

 **Lily Evans:** Because I know you want to know but aren’t asking, yes, James is here too!

 **Mary Macdonald:** I don’t know what you mean. This is neutral information to me.

 **Lily Evans:** ;)

 **Lily Evans:** You don’t have to be neutral anymore!

 **Lily Evans:** I’m going to ask James to walk to the Tube station afterwards and idk maybe kiss him!

 **Lily Evans:** If he wants!

 **Mary Macdonald:** This feels like a decision made by a not fully sober Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** And yet I am here for it

 **Lily Evans:** We’re nearly done with the project, so it’s fine!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** Ok, Shouty Lily!!

 **Lily Evans:** God he’s so fit I want to bite his shoulder, Mary!

 **Lily Evans:** And he’s so funny and sweet!

 **Mary Macdonald:** :)

 **Lily Evans:** Ok will update you later byyyyyyyyyyyyye!

* * *

* * *

_tumblr – Friday 21 February, 2020, 9:02 pm_

**rubyraptor:** PRONGS IS MY COWORKER

 **homo__dorkus:** What???

 **rubyraptor:** Dorcas, I am FLIPPING OUT

 **homo__dorkus:** Your coworker???

 **rubyraptor:** I was going to kiss him!!

 **rubyraptor:** but he’s Prongs??????????????????????????

 **homo__dorkus:** what the fuck

 **homo__dorkus:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **homo__dorkus:** are you sure???

 **rubyraptor:** YES

 **rubyraptor:** Like 90% sure!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** And he knows you’re Ruby??

 **rubyraptor:** No!

 **homo__dorkus:** What the fuck!

 **rubyraptor:** We were at a conference the last couple days and the team went out after and eventually Linda asked him about Algernon

 **rubyraptor:** I had been under the impression Algernon was his brother or an imaginary friend

 **rubyraptor:** It’s his CAT

 **rubyraptor:** His cat who just had a bladder stone LAST WEEKEND!

 **rubyraptor:** JUST LIKE PRONGS’S CAT!

 **homo__dorkus:** Is that Prongs’s cat’s name??

 **rubyraptor:** He never said his cat’s name, but I did hear that James was out on Monday, which Prongs also was

 **rubyraptor:** And James’s phone alarm sounded an awful lot like Chat Noir’s transformation music

 **rubyraptor:** He draws really well and his doodles at the conference today looked weirdly familiar somehow

 **rubyraptor:** They’re both English and work in science-related fields

 **rubyraptor:** They write the same way, all lower case

 **rubyraptor:** They’re both ridiculous, soft, clever idiots

 **rubyraptor:** I’m not imagining it, right? That’s a lot of similarities!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** That is a lot of evidence

 **homo__dorkus:** Not conclusive but a lot???

 **rubyraptor:** I need to know

 **rubyraptor:** I NEED TO KNOW

* * *

_tumblr – Friday 21 February, 2020, 9:10 pm_

**rubyraptor:** how’s your cat??

 **rubyraptor:** sorry never got his name

 **prongs-not-forks** : algernon is really on the mend!

 **prongs-not-forks** : [picture message]

 **prongs-not-forks** : that’s the cheeriest he’s looked in weeks

 **rubyraptor:** cool cool cool

 **rubyraptor:** have ag ood night!!!

* * *

_tumblr – Friday 21 February, 2020, 9:12 pm_

**rubyraptor:** CONFIRMED PRONGS’S CAT IS NAMED ALGERNON

 **homo__dorkus:** OH FUCK

 **homo__dorkus:** FUCKING FUCK WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS

 **rubyraptor:** I DON’T KNOW

 **homo__dorkus:** YOU WERE GOING TO KISS HIM???

 **rubyraptor:** YES

 **rubyraptor:** BUT INSTEAD I FUCKING BOLTED FROM THE PUB

 **rubyraptor:** BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK

 **homo__dorkus:** YOU WERE GOING TO KISS PRONGS

 **rubyraptor:** YES

 **rubyraptor:** EVEN THOUGH HE LIKES A COWORKER

 **rubyraptor:** OH WAIT

 **homo__dorkus:** Wait is the coworker he likes you???

 **rubyraptor:** Oh fuck!

 **rubyraptor:** yes???

 **rubyraptor:** I mean I’m like 80% sure that James likes me

 **rubyraptor:** I’d put some of those clues together this week

 **homo__dorkus:** So if James likes you, so does Prongs!!!

 **rubyraptor:** I guess!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** I guess?????

 **rubyraptor:** oh fuck

 **rubyraptor:** OH FUCK

 **rubyraptor:** WE MIRACULOUS LADYBUGGED OURSELVES

 **homo__dorkus:** OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

 **homo__dorkus:** LILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** DORCAS!!!!!!!!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** I’M CRYING

 **homo__dorkus:** THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE

 **rubyraptor:** HOW

 **rubyraptor:** HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

 **rubyraptor:** DID THE FEST ORGANIZERS KNOW???

 **homo__dorkus:** Of course not lmaoooo

 **rubyraptor:** Dorcassssssssssssssssssssssssssss

 **homo__dorkus:** Lilyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **rubyraptor:** I feel so stupid!!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** Don’t!!!

 **rubyraptor:** But I did the thing I make fun of the characters for not noticing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** I mean yes?????

 **homo__dorkus:** But also THIS IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THE UNIVERSE

 **rubyraptor:** Fucking fuck

 **rubyraptor:** Prongs likes me!

 **rubyraptor:** And so does James!

 **homo__dorkus:** This is so fucking ridiculous and I AM HERE FOR IT

 **rubyraptor:** I could’ve kissed him

 **rubyraptor:** And he would’ve been into it!!

 **homo__dorkus:** And you still can!!!

 **rubyraptor:** I will!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** As soon as you own up to being Ruby

 **rubyraptor:** Oh

 **rubyraptor:** Oh fuck


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in every chapter, the gorgeous art in this story is by the amazing anxiouspineapples. :)

_tumblr – Saturday 22 February, 2020, 12:40 pm_

**prongs-not-forks** **:** how’s it going?

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** just a week until we submit our collab!

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 22 February, 2020, 6:07 pm_

**rubyraptor:** Do I really have to tell him???

 **homo__dorkus:** yes

 **homo__dorkus:** obviously

 **rubyraptor:** I told Prongs some really personal stuff…

 **rubyraptor:** It’s a little embarrassing

 **homo__dorkus:** doesn’t matter. Tell Him.

 **rubyraptor:** ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 23 February, 2020, 9:19 am_

**prongs-not-forks** **:** is everything ok, ruby?

* * *

_iMessage – Sunday 23 February, 2020, 1:51 pm_

**Lily Evans:** Thanks for everything you said at brunch

 **Lily Evans:** And thanks for not lording your triumph over me

 **Mary Macdonald:** Happy to help :)

 **Mary Macdonald:** Will save my lording for a later date when it’s not so sensitive

 **Lily Evans:** Thanks :)

 **Mary Macdonald:** Good luck!!!

* * *

_tumblr – Sunday 23 February, 2020, 7:35 pm_

**rubyraptor:** Sorry I’ve been incommunicado. Something happened and I didn’t know how to talk about it. But I know I have to do it and I can’t find the words so I think I should just show you.

 **rubyraptor:** [picture message]

 **rubyraptor:** That’s my face

 **rubyraptor:** Hi, James.

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** oh fuck

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** OH FUCK

 **rubyraptor:** I know.

 **rubyraptor:** I only just figured it out on Friday! So I haven’t been, like, catfishing you or anything.

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** i would’ve never

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** i don’t

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 **rubyraptor:** yeah

 **rubyraptor:** I know

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** how did you

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** how did we not

 **rubyraptor:** I DON’T KNOW

 **prongs-not-forks** **:** i have many questions

 **rubyraptor:** yeah

 **rubyraptor:** yeah, me too

* * *

_Skype for Business – Monday 24 February, 2020, 8:22 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** How did it go???????????

 **Lily Evans:** I mean as well as can be expected??

 **Lily Evans:** He had no idea

 **Mary Macdonald:** I figured, but also thank god

 **Lily Evans:** Yeah

 **Lily Evans:** We talked it through some but it’s still…weird. I think.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Two people have been unknowingly falling for each other twice over for weeks. They realize and it’s totally fine immediately and they never talk about it again.

 **Mary Macdonald:** I assume that’s how your stories go

 **Lily Evans:** No, but……idk

 **Lily Evans:** It’s uncomfortable

 **Lily Evans:** Or not even uncomfortable, just….weird. Yeah.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Of course it’s weird!

 **Mary Macdonald:** This is the definition of a weird situation

 **Lily Evans:** At least I wasn’t wrong to vibe with him as Ruby. He said Prongs was into her.

 **Lily Evans:** Me.

 **Lily Evans:** Ugh.

 **Mary Macdonald:** It’ll get better

 **Lily Evans:** I know

 **Lily Evans:** It’s…yeah

 **Mary Macdonald:** I know

 **Lily Evans:** Thanks :)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Monday 24 February, 2020, 2:08 pm_

**Lily Evans:** We had a team meeting

 **Mary Macdonald:** And???

 **Lily Evans:** idk we didn’t sit by each other like we usually do

 **Lily Evans:** there may have been an…awkward amount of stealing glances at each other

 **Mary Macdonald:** Did he say anything?

 **Lily Evans:** In the meeting, yes, but not on the topic you’re asking about

 **Lily Evans:** I really want to message him or text him or whatever to see if he’s ok

 **Lily Evans:** But I had two days to think about it before I told him

 **Lily Evans:** And I don’t want to pressure him to idk process quicker than he wants to

 **Mary Macdonald:** While that sounds brutal…it makes sense

 **Mary Macdonald:** It’s a lot to take in

 **Lily Evans:** But also I need to talk to him soon because our fandom collaboration is due Saturday…

 **Mary Macdonald:** I guess work on what you can and hope he is too?

 **Lily Evans:** i guess

 **Lily Evans:** I really would like to think about anything else but I Cannot

 **Lily Evans:** my previous go-to distraction games of pen theories and Algernon theories are no good anymore

 **Lily Evans:** What am I supposed to do???

 **Mary Macdonald:** not your job, that’s for sure

 **Mary Macdonald:** Damn. We really do need a new theorizing topic

 **Mary Macdonald:** Who are the children in Deborah’s desk photos, since we know for a fact she doesn’t have any?

 **Lily Evans:** Yes!

 **Lily Evans:** Why does Angelica keep the office tissue boxes in her cube instead of in the supply room?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh my god yes!!! Does she think I’m going to steal boxes to take home if they’re in a more common space??

 **Lily Evans:** Javier told me he brings his own now because he’s too embarrassed to ask for more tissue! Angelica is always commenting like, ‘Another box already hmm???’ and it makes Javier so uncomfortable

 **Mary Macdonald:** That’s ridiculous. What the hell is wrong with her

 **Lily Evans:** Ok yes I like this new activity

 **Lily Evans:** Tell me more of your theories on this

* * *

_tumblr – Monday 24 February, 2020, 9:40 pm_

**rubyraptor:** Maybe I shouldn’t have told him

 **homo__dorkus:** No

 **homo__dorkus:** Obviously you had to

 **rubyraptor:** Ugh I know

 **rubyraptor:** He just emailed a gorgeous piece of art

 **rubyraptor:** but there’s nothing in the email text

 **homo__dorkus:** You ghosted him, too, remember

 **rubyraptor:** I knowwww

 **rubyraptor:** I just hate it

 **rubyraptor:** At least we still might finish on time

 **homo__dorkus:** how much do you have left to do?

 **rubyraptor:** I need to finish the ending

 **rubyraptor:** Due to certain other reasons…………I may need to revise the immediate-post-reveal bits

 **homo__dorkus:** Oh damn

 **homo__dorkus:** Whoever thought

 **homo__dorkus:** That in this exact scenario

 **homo__dorkus:** You’d truly write what you know

**rubyraptor:**

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 25 February, 2020, 2:30 pm_

**Lily Evans:** I miss him

 **Mary Macdonald:** I know

 **Lily Evans:** Why didn’t he put anything in the email

 **Mary Macdonald:** I have come up with no new thoughts since we discussed it this morning

 **Lily Evans:** Do you think he’s mad at me???

 **Mary Macdonald:** Since there’s nothing to be angry at you about, no

 **Mary Macdonald:** you’ve just got to be patient, ok?

 **Lily Evans:** ughhhhhhh

 **Lily Evans:** back to compulsively checking my phone, then

 **Lily Evans:** why is nothing interesting happening in the news right now to distract me…

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 25 February, 2020, 2:51 pm_

**Mary Macdonald:** Don’t you ever tell her I told you to

 **Mary Macdonald:** But go on one of your pen-seeking expeditions right now

 **James Potter TM: **you know about those??????

 **James Potter TM: **i really should’ve played dumb there, shouldn’t i

 **Mary Macdonald:** You don’t even have a poker face on Skype. Incredible.

 **Mary Macdonald:** No guile at all

 **James Potter TM: **???

 **Mary Macdonald:** Yes, I know about your little trips to a particular supply room

 **Mary Macdonald:** Mr Astronaut

 **James Potter TM: **oh

 **James Potter TM: **oh fuck

 **James Potter TM: **how much do you know???

 **Mary Macdonald:** As much as your friends do, I assume

 **Mary Macdonald:** now off you go, thief

 **James Potter TM: **i always brought back the pens! i’d put them back and take new ones

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh look, there’s that fuck I had, running off into the distance

 **Mary Macdonald:** Like you should be running to her area

 **James Potter TM: **ahhhhhhhhh

 **James Potter TM: **ok

 **James Potter TM: **ok!

* * *

_Skype for Business – Tuesday 25 February, 2020, 3:30 pm_

**Lily Evans** : He came over!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Lily Evans** : came for ‘some pens he likes’

 **Lily Evans** : so that’s one theory confirmed.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Hey!!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** How was it?

 **Lily Evans** : Fine!

 **Lily Evans** : I mean we’re not back at our previous normal

 **Lily Evans** : He said he felt like a bloody idiot but that he

 **Lily Evans** : Oh god it’s a thing from a lot of fics and it was so weird and perfect

 **Lily Evans** : He said he wasn’t disappointed it was me

 **Mary Macdonald:** Wow.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lily, as a friend. Let me tell you.

 **Mary Macdonald:** You can set the bar higher.

 **Mary Macdonald:** Like even a foot off the ground is fine. Promise.

 **Lily Evans** : No, it’s…it’s right.

 **Lily Evans** : Because you do wonder if they…

 **Lily Evans** : Seriously, it’s fitting. It’s not an inch-high bar.

 **Mary Macdonald:** If you say so

 **Lily Evans** : He also said he’s having a hard time mentally putting the two of us together

 **Lily Evans** : which, like, same

 **Lily Evans** : So we both need…time.

 **Mary Macdonald:** That’s very reasonable

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’m glad he finally came to talk

 **Lily Evans** : Yeah, me too

 **Lily Evans** : He tried to apologize for ghosting me for a couple days but obviously I was all, hello I did the same thing

 **Lily Evans** : While his mates were positively delighted at the irony of our situation, they’re also apparently ‘dead sick’ of him moaning about this the last couple days

 **Mary Macdonald:** The delight is relatable.

 **Lily Evans** : And the moaning?

 **Mary Macdonald:** No comment ;)

 **Lily Evans** : Fair enough

 **Lily Evans** : Anyway he was being all adorable while he was doing this, rubbing his hand through his hair, scuffing his shoe on the floor

 **Lily Evans** : I had some Feelings

 **Mary Macdonald:** …go on

 **Lily Evans** : oh my god not at work

 **Mary Macdonald:** You tease.

 **Lily Evans:** You’ll be interested to know that he’s coming over tonight so we can talk through it some more

 **Mary Macdonald:** In the interest of following your instructions, I am staying silent here.

 **Lily Evans** : :)

 **Lily Evans** : Thanks

 **Lily Evans** : Your time for those comments will come

 **Lily Evans** : Just…not right now

 **Mary Macdonald:** I will continue in innuendo-stand-by mode until otherwise instructed

 **Lily Evans** : Seriously. Thanks for being here for all this

 **Mary Macdonald:** Happy to. :) it’s good fun

 **Mary Macdonald:** And the most interesting thing to happen here since we found out James Holden was filming porn in the A/V closet

 **Lily Evans** : WHAT

 **Mary Macdonald:** I get to tell you about this???

 **Mary Macdonald:** Today is the day that keeps on giving

* * *

_tumblr – Tuesday 25 February, 2020, 11:04 pm_

**rubyraptor** : Ok he’s just gone home!!

 **homo__dorkus:** ahhhhhhh what happened??

 **rubyraptor** : ok ok ok ahhhh!!

 **rubyraptor** : my adrenaline is all up!

 **rubyraptor** : because i wasn’t sure if we were going to make out or what at the end and like

 **rubyraptor** : well first of all we didn’t

 **homo__dorkus:** boooooo

 **rubyraptor** : and second of all it was just…exhilarating!

 **rubyraptor** : being with him in general, he’s so quick, and especially now that we’re…

 **rubyraptor** : whatevering

 **homo__dorkus:** collaborating??? in more ways than one??? ;) ;)

 **rubyraptor** : i mean hopefully!

 **rubyraptor** : eventually!

 **rubyraptor** : soon, one might even dare to say!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** ow owwwwwwww

 **rubyraptor** : but i’m kind of glad we just kept it cool tonight because we had to…idk!

 **rubyraptor** : get over ourselves

 **homo__dorkus:** in fics there is always the post-reveal weirdness

 **homo__dorkus:** the touch of angst we want and need before the satisfying resolution

 **rubyraptor** : yes.

 **rubyraptor** : that’s exactly where we are

 **homo__dorkus:** so what did happen tonight?

 **rubyraptor** : well okay

 **rubyraptor** : he came over

 **rubyraptor** : we started out sitting on opposite ends of the sofa and there was all this Space between us

 **rubyraptor** : and we were just talking like it was a somewhat tense but otherwise normal day

 **rubyraptor** : mostly about work stuff

 **rubyraptor** : and then we both hit that pause-y moment in the conversation where it’s like, are we going to talk about the fucking elephant in the room or

 **rubyraptor** : and so I get up to go get some shot glasses

 **rubyraptor** : and he pulls out a bottle from his messenger bag

 **homo__dorkus:** i am cacklingggg

 **rubyraptor** : no words exchanged. we both just know.

 **rubyraptor** : we put on an episode of friends.

 **rubyraptor** : We do shots of peppermint schnapps every time the show is Problematic.

 **homo__dorkus:** a grown man brought you peppermint schnapps???

 **rubyraptor** : it was in character

 **rubyraptor** : and i’m out of coconut rum

 **homo__dorkus:** you do know other spirits exist???

 **rubyraptor** : ????

 **rubyraptor** : sounds fake

 **rubyraptor** : anyway we ditch the shots for the second episode but then we were

 **rubyraptor** : well

 **rubyraptor** : more in the middle of the sofa

 **rubyraptor** : some of our reactions to the show were…physical. And flaily.

 **rubyraptor** : and so there we are, close to each other

 **rubyraptor** : and I put my head on his shoulder

 **homo__dorkus:** lillyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **rubyraptor** : and he put his arm around me

**rubyraptor** : and after the episode I read him my revised post-reveal stuff

 **homo__dorkus:** this is so cute i’m gonna dieeeeeeeeeeee

 **rubyraptor** : we talked through some ideas about the last scene

 **rubyraptor** : he is so funny i can’t

 **homo__dorkus:** all this and you DIDN’T KISS???

 **rubyraptor** : there will be more nights!!!

 **homo__dorkus:** I refuse to believe in this mythical concept

 **homo__dorkus:** I’m too upset you didn’t make out

 **rubyraptor** : well maybe we would have but then he was by the door to leave and he turns back to me

 **rubyraptor** : and says

 **rubyraptor** : very seriously

 **rubyraptor** : ‘were there any clams in the little mermaid sequel?’

 **rubyraptor** : like he’s been thinking about this for days

 **homo__dorkus:** ahahahahahaha

 **homo__dorkus:** ok I can see why you didn’t kiss him

 **rubyraptor** : i still thought about it!!!

 **rubyraptor** : but i was laughing and he was leaving and yeah!

 **rubyraptor** : anyway too bad you don’t believe in the mythical concept of more nights

 **rubyraptor** : otherwise maybe he’d be coming back to mine tomorrow night

**homo__dorkus:**

**rubyraptor** : ;) ;)

 **rubyraptor** : will keep you posted

* * *

_Skype for Business – Wednesday 26 February, 2020, 10:26 am_

**Lily Evans:** I knew you had no guile

 **Lily Evans:** And while I generally appreciate that

 **Lily Evans:** You have got to play it cooler at work, you dork

 **James Potter TM: **excuse me i am cool as a sea cucumber

 **Lily Evans:** I’m not going to ask why you changed it

 **James Potter TM: **it’s because regular cucumbers aren’t naturally cold

 **James Potter TM: **but the ocean is

 **Lily Evans:** I Did Not Ask

 **James Potter TM: **my point is i have no idea what you’re talking about

 **Lily Evans:** I’m talking about you and your grinning at me!!!

 **James Potter TM: **do you find my frowny face sexier

 **James Potter TM: **:( :( :(

 **Lily Evans:** I don’t know why I bothered

 **Lily Evans:** No guile, indeed

 **James Potter TM: **brb gonna go practice my neutrally disinterested face

 **Lily Evans:** You do not have one

 **James Potter TM: **not _yet_!

 **Lily Evans:** Please show these attempts to me tonight

 **James Potter TM: **i suppose i could be persuaded

 **James Potter TM: **btw i have been thinking about last night

 **James Potter TM: **and i really feel like there’s something we should’ve done but didn’t

 **Lily Evans:** ;)

 **Lily Evans:** Good thing we already made plans to get together tonight and Saturday

 **James Potter TM: **very

 **James Potter TM: **i can’t come straight to your place after work today, tho

 **James Potter TM: **gotta run an errand to be prepared

 **Lily Evans:** Good. I’ll pick up some Thai on my way home?

 **James Potter TM: **perfect

* * *

_Skype for Business – Wednesday 26 February, 2020, 11:43 am_

**Lily Evans:** Lunch?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Yes please

 **Mary Macdonald:** Although I’m shocked that James isn’t occupying your precious lunch hour

 **Lily Evans:** He’s got a meeting until 12:30

 **Lily Evans:** curse every prick who thinks it’s acceptable to schedule meetings over the lunch hour

 **Mary Macdonald:** you made time for work lunches with James recently

 **Mary Macdonald:** on multiple occasions

 **Lily Evans:** that’s different! Not the same as a Meeting

 **Lily Evans:** it’s was way more casual

 **Mary Macdonald:** mhmmmm

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’m just saying you’d never do a working lunch with Curtis

 **Lily Evans:** curse you and your logic

 **Lily Evans:** maybe I should have lunch with James more often

 **Lily Evans:** he could get his grinning out of the way

 **Mary Macdonald:** Oh?

 **Mary Macdonald:** Do tell

 **Lily Evans:** this morning he would not stop…beaming

 **Lily Evans:** at me

 **Lily Evans:** in a way that is very…

 **Mary Macdonald:** lovesick?

 **Lily Evans** : well I can’t exactly throw that word around yet, can I?

 **Lily Evans** : smitten

 **Lily Evans** : there

 **Mary Macdonald:** Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** Dear

 **Mary Macdonald:** That’s not new

 **Lily Evans** : You weren’t there! How would you know?

 **Mary Macdonald:** I have seen you two in the conference rooms when I walk by

 **Mary Macdonald:** for weeks

 **Lily Evans** : What!!

 **Mary Macdonald:** The only new thing today is you are also beaming like a smitten idiot

 **Lily Evans** : Ok this is absurd you haven’t even seen me today

 **Mary Macdonald:** I had a meeting in room 302 this morning and your desk is in view on the way

 **Mary Macdonald:** and you didn’t even have the excuse of having him in the room with you ;) ;)

 **Lily Evans** : well fuck

 **Lily Evans** : I cannot believe I am going to say this

 **Lily Evans** : But I’ve got to go practice my neutrally disinterested face

* * *

_tumblr – Thursday 27 February, 2020, 7:11 am_

**rubyraptor** : So the bad news is that we have more left on the collab than I would like at this point

 **homo__dorkus:** given how popular you guys are, i’m sure the fest organizers will give you a couple days’ extension

 **homo__dorkus:** especially if you tell them exactly why things got off track this week ;) ;)

 **rubyraptor** : oh god

 **rubyraptor** : do we tell tumblr???

 **rubyraptor** : I’ve been so focused on whether work people know

 **homo__dorkus:** don’t stress about that right now

 **homo__dorkus:** figure that out later

 **homo__dorkus:** for now, I assume with your framing that there is also Good News to share

 **rubyraptor** : Yes!!

 **rubyraptor** : Things Happened

 **homo__dorkus:** yesssssssss

 **rubyraptor** : right. so before Things Happened

 **rubyraptor** : yesterday morning he tells me he can’t come over immediately after work because he has to run an errand to ‘be prepared’

 **homo__dorkus:** good

 **homo__dorkus:** he likes it safe. nothing but respect for my favorite fanartist

 **rubyraptor** : yes

 **rubyraptor** : see

 **rubyraptor** : that is what a normal person would mean by that

 **rubyraptor** : so you can imagine my surprise

 **rubyraptor** : when he strolls into my flat

 **rubyraptor** : and holds up, triumphantly, as though this is the moment he’s about to hand me an Oscar

 **rubyraptor** : a dvd

 **rubyraptor** : of the little mermaid 2

 **homo__dorkus:** noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **rubyraptor** : yes

 **rubyraptor** : used

 **rubyraptor** : acquired at a thrift shop

 **homo__dorkus:** bonus points for him on reusing, i guess?

 **rubyraptor** : Reader, I kissed him.

 **homo__dorkus:** ….

 **homo__dorkus:** over that?

 **rubyraptor** : shut up it’s our thing

 **homo__dorkus:** I mean I’m here for you making out

 **homo__dorkus:** obviously

 **homo__dorkus:** this is just too hilarious for words

 **homo__dorkus:** no emoji can come close to representing how entertained and confused I am

 **rubyraptor** : anywayyyyyyyyyyy

 **rubyraptor** : Things Progressed

 **rubyraptor** : and needless to say we did not work on our collaboration

**homo__dorkus:**

**homo__dorkus:** seriously. tell the fest organizers the details and you’ll never have to turn in anything at all ;)

 **rubyraptor** : also

 **rubyraptor** : while he thought ahead about acquiring a 20-year-old movie

 **rubyraptor** : he didn’t bring anything for staying over

 **rubyraptor** : so he’s had to walk of shame home to change before work

 **homo__dorkus:** lmaoooooooooo

 **homo__dorkus:** he spent all that effort getting a film you didn’t even watch

 **rubyraptor** : Who says we didn’t watch it

 **homo__dorkus:** okayyy…..

 **homo__dorkus:** right

 **homo__dorkus:** no judgment here

 **rubyraptor** : AFTER

 **rubyraptor** : we watched it after

 **rubyraptor** : christ

 **rubyraptor** : I’m not into dolphin porn

 **homo__dorkus:** ok

 **homo__dorkus:** I mean you do you

 **homo__dorkus:** but also

 **homo__dorkus:** and I cannot stress this enough

 **homo__dorkus:** good.

* * *

_Skype for Business – Thursday 27 February, 2020, 10:22 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** well done

 **Lily Evans:** I haven’t even told you!

 **Lily Evans:** I was going to update you over lunch

 **Lily Evans:** I’m not covering these exploits on a work application, thank you very much

 **Mary Macdonald:** no need to tell

 **Mary Macdonald:** I could tell when I walked by ;)

 **Lily Evans:** well bully for you, your time has come

 **Lily Evans:** just don’t do it in detail on Skype

 **Lily Evans:** I don’t need James’s mate in IT to read Things

 **Mary Macdonald:** I understand completely, and will being jotting down my responses on paper to read to you later

 **Lily Evans:** that’s all I ask ;)

* * *

_Skype for Business – Thursday 27 February, 2020, 11:15 am_

**James Potter TM: **so first of all

 **James Potter TM: **let me just say

 **James Potter TM: **wow

 **James Potter TM: **if we weren’t at work, i would say more

 **James Potter TM: **but you know me

 **James Potter TM: **covert is my middle name

 **Lily Evans:** Yes, I recall how covertly you shouted while diving under my desk and then were found within minutes by your dad

 **James Potter TM: **can i help it that my father knows me and my favorite places too well

 **Lily Evans:** wait does he know about me???

 **James Potter TM: **i mean

 **James Potter TM: **he is aware…of my historical…sentiments, you might say…

 **Lily Evans:** ok, Eric Darcy, glad to know he’s aware of your Intentions

 **James Potter TM: **you think i’m the perfect man??

 **Lily Evans:** If you keep up that thing we did after the movie………

 **Lily Evans:** I would consider evaluating your application

**James Potter TM: **

**Lily Evans:** So does your dad know about…hm. Current developments?

 **James Potter TM: **possibly

 **James Potter TM: **my flatmate was lonely without me last night since i was gone two nights in a row

 **James Potter TM: **and when my mum called him, he didn’t bother coming up with a cover story for me

 **James Potter TM: **he just said i wouldn’t be coming home tonight

 **James Potter TM: **then my mum texted me this morning a fireworks emoji, a wink emoji, and a flower emoji

 **James Potter TM: **and my mum does tell my dad everything

 **James Potter TM: **so my vague suspicion

 **James Potter TM: **is that he may have some suspicions

 **Lily Evans:** Algernon has a phone???

 **James Potter TM: **not after the way he treated his last one, no!

 **James Potter TM: **clever bastard

 **James Potter TM: **no my mate sirius

 **James Potter TM: **the one i’ve been mates with forever

 **Lily Evans:** This is a relief and yet also I have follow-up questions for later

 **Lily Evans:** I’m so excited to meet Algernon

 **James Potter TM: **on that note

 **James Potter TM: **i know i said i had plans tonight

 **James Potter TM: **which is still true

 **James Potter TM: **but it’s a thing for my other mate remus

 **James Potter TM: **his birthday is coming up but he’s going on a long holiday tomorrow with his girlfriend

 **James Potter TM: **so we’re going out tonight to celebrate

 **James Potter TM: **would you want to come with??

 **Lily Evans:** Would it be weird if I came?

 **Lily Evans:** we’ve really only been together for like…three days

 **James Potter TM: **i mean

 **James Potter TM: **this is true

 **James Potter TM:** and yet also

 **James Potter TM:** have you considered that this whole situation is weird as fuck to begin with

 **Lily Evans:** fair point

 **Lily Evans:** Do you think Remus will mind? It’s his birthday party

 **James Potter TM: **he’s going to like you so much it won’t matter

 **James Potter TM: **he may also…

 **James Potter TM: **be relieved….

 **James Potter TM: **that i will no longer be despairing to him at length and often about how i’m pining like a pine tree for a girl at work……………

 **Lily Evans:** I’ll be sure to let Deborah know she should make her flirting with you even more egregious

 **Lily Evans:** I wish you and all her imaginary (??) children well

 **James Potter TM: **i think she just prints them off from stock image sites

 **James Potter TM: **but thank you

 **James Potter TM: **my relationship with her will bring all the show of children with none of the love or affection

 **James Potter TM: **you don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want, btw. it’s totally fine either way!!!

 **Lily Evans:** No, I’ll go

 **Lily Evans:** I’m just so nervous to meet an astronaut’s friends

 **James Potter TM: **they will play it cool and try not to show off about how amazing their astronaut friend is

 **James Potter TM: **i do think you’ll really like remus’s girlfriend bea

 **James Potter TM: **she’s hilarious

 **Lily Evans:** All right. Yeah, I’ll go!

 **James Potter TM: **cool :)

 **James Potter TM: **btw sirius might be a dick about you but we can cross that bridge when we come to it! gotta run to an 11:30 byeeeeeeee

* * *

_iMessage – Thursday 27 February, 2020, 8:03 pm_

**James Potter:** you doing ok?

 **Lily Evans:** Do you think I’ve snuck out through the kitchen to make a run for it??

 **Lily Evans:** Truly, nature called. That’s it.

 **James Potter:** yeah i know but i figured this way i could ask without doing it in front of everyone

 **Lily Evans:** All right, you’ve one ounce of guile in you

 **Lily Evans:** Congratulations

 **James Potter:** i know you were nervous

 **Lily Evans:** thanks :)

 **Lily Evans:** I am ok, though. I’m having a good time.

 **James Potter:** i think bea may ask you to marry her when you get back

 **James Potter:** just fyi

 **James Potter:** she’ll probably want to get married in spain, though, so consider that when making up your mind

 **Lily Evans:** So is it all of continental Europe you hate, or just anything west of the Alps?

 **James Potter:** i don’t hate spain!

 **James Potter:** just wouldn’t want to get married in a country that has a rat instead of the tooth fairy

 **Lily Evans:** ok I googled it what the fuck

**Lily Evans:**

**Lily Evans:** What does a rat want with my teeth???

 **James Potter:** nothing good, that’s what!!

 **Lily Evans:** You’ve no idea what a clam looks like but you know Spain has a tooth rat

 **James Potter:** i was six

 **James Potter:** we were on holiday in spain

 **James Potter:** need i say more!!

 **Lily Evans:** You poor, traumatized child

 **James Potter:** i didn’t sleep for WEEKS

 **Lily Evans:** What a tragedy.

 **Lily Evans:** Seems like I have no choice but to abandon Bea to Remus’s kind clutches

 **James Potter:** he likes you too! and peter

 **Lily Evans:** What subtlety you have in telling me your best mate hates me

 **James Potter:** don’t worry!!

 **James Potter:** i have a plan for sirius

 **James Potter:** he’s been stuck on a crossword clue all day and you’re going to help him

 **Lily Evans:** okay???

 **Lily Evans:** coming back now.

 **James Potter:** good i missed you

 **Lily Evans:** you dork

 **Lily Evans:** <3

* * *

_Skype for Business – Friday 28 February, 2020, 9:10 am_

**Mary Macdonald:** good morning!!

 **Lily Evans:** hi! Have a good time with your brother?

 **Mary Macdonald:** no, he’s a prick

 **Mary Macdonald:** why do I keep thinking I’m going to like spending time with him

 **Lily Evans:** because that’s what we do with family

 **Mary Macdonald:** ugh

 **Mary Macdonald:** how was your night??

 **Lily Evans:** It was lovely, actually!

 **Lily Evans:** just one of his mates was being dickish at the start but it sorted itself out

 **Lily Evans:** James had weirdly good advice for getting through to him

 **Mary Macdonald:** That’s such a relief

 **Mary Macdonald:** How was it with the nazi one?

 **Lily Evans:** he’s not a nazi…exactly

 **Mary Macdonald:** sorry that’s what I mentally bookmarked him as

 **Mary Macdonald:** how was it with the sexist, antisemitic one?

 **Lily Evans:** God it was so awkward to know that and not say anything

 **Lily Evans:** I mean he was ok but like…

 **Lily Evans:** it feels so mean

 **Lily Evans:** but he did have a Vibe

 **Mary Macdonald:** :(

 **Lily Evans:** But if he can course correct, I’m willing to say good for him, way to grow

 **Mary Macdonald:** still

 **Lily Evans:** yeah

 **Lily Evans:** but anyway it was really lovely and then james and I made out very quickly by the loo

 **Lily Evans:** so all in all a good night

 **Mary Macdonald:** aww

 **Mary Macdonald:** I’m seriously so thrilled for you, Lily

 **Mary Macdonald:** you deserve something good

 **Lily Evans:** thanks. :)

 **Lily Evans:** and thanks for dealing with all this. I know it was a lot to take on

 **Mary Macdonald:** that’s what friends are for :)

 **Mary Macdonald:** that and mad theorizing about tissue box hoarders

 **Lily Evans:** oh my god, I forgot to tell you!

 **Lily Evans:** Javier’s not the only one too afraid to ask for more boxes!

 **Lily Evans:** here’s what happened

* * *

_iMessage – Friday 28 February, 2020, 4:31 pm_

**homo__dorkus:** please tell me you guys are almost done with your collab

 **homo__dorkus:** this wait is killing meeeeeeeeeee

 **rubyraptor:** it’s not like you get to see it the second we’re done??

 **homo__dorkus:** no but now I’m anxious you’re not going to finish at all

 **homo__dorkus:** also watching you run up so tight against the deadline is making me nervous by proximity

 **rubyraptor:** we’re going to finish!!!

 **rubyraptor:** …

 **rubyraptor:** hopefully on time

 **homo__dorkus:** lilyyyyyyyy

 **rubyraptor:** I’m finishing the last scene tonight, I swear!

 **rubyraptor:** I just have…three scenes until that scene, fuck

 **rubyraptor:** And then doing final edits on this novel-length story fuckkkk

 **homo__dorkus:** um???

 **homo__dorkus:** you know time is a fixed construct right

 **rubyraptor:** it’ll be fine!!!

 **rubyraptor:** James is coming over tomorrow so we can marathon all day. he’d be here tonight but he had plans with his parents he didn’t think he could get out of

 **rubyraptor:** he’s got a couple drawings left but obviously he can’t do the last one until I write the ending :-|

 **homo__dorkus:** fuck

 **homo__dorkus:** i can’t handle that sort of pressure

 **rubyraptor:** you literally freelance?? world of uncertain future and deadlines???

 **homo__dorkus:** clients i can manage

 **homo__dorkus:** but I know fans

 **homo__dorkus:** I Fear Them

 **rubyraptor:** valid, babe. Valid.

* * *

_iMessage – Saturday 29 February, 2020, 9:40 am_

**Lily Evans:** You realize that since you use your phone as a watch, it can’t run slow

 **Lily Evans:** You have no excuse for not knowing the time

 **James Potter** : i’m on my way!!!

 **James Potter** : overslept because i had nightmares about the tooth rat

 **James Potter** : then i had a hard time finding a cab to take me

 **Lily Evans:** racist bastards

 **James Potter** : i mean yes that’s usually it

 **James Potter** : but this time it could be that i have a cat carrier with me

 **Lily Evans:** you’re bringing Algernon??!

 **Lily Evans:** :D :D :D

 **James Potter** : he’s offended my mates got to meet you first

 **Lily Evans:** And rightfully so

 **James Potter** : we should be there in about ten

 **Lily Evans:** I’ll put the kettle on

* * *

_Google Docs Chat – Saturday 29 February, 2020, 1:43 pm_

**prongs not forks:** fuck that’s brilliant

 **Ruby Raptor:** get back to arting

 **prongs not forks:** i’m double-checking some Details for the art, thank you!!

 **Ruby Raptor:** I’ve seen your cursor in places you don’t need Details from

 **prongs not forks:** i’m gaining inspiration?

 **Ruby Raptor:** …valid

 **Ruby Raptor:** It really is an excellent fic

 **prongs not forks:** that ending scene where they’re baking together at the café is *chef’s kiss*

 **prongs not forks:** the pacing and the way you described the atmosphere and that damn forehead touch had me feeling all giddy and swoony

 **Ruby Raptor:** I love that you’ve just used the word swoony

 **Ruby Raptor:** and also typed all this even though we’re across the room from each other

 **prongs not forks:** i wanted you to be able to reread my well-placed praise later on

 **prongs not forks:** when you feel like you’re bad at writing

 **Ruby Raptor:** …

 **Ruby Raptor:** go lock Algernon in the bedroom

 **prongs not forks:** yes ma’am

 **prongs not forks:** ;)

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 29 February, 2020, 3:10 pm_

**homo__dorkus:** and???

 **rubyraptor:** I’m rewriting a scene I disliked

 **homo__dorkus:** you literally do not have time for this

 **rubyraptor:** i have seven hours!

 **rubyraptor:** plus I just need to edit…*checks notes* 50,000 words of story

 **homo__dorkus:** you told me you wanted to have that part started by noon

 **rubyraptor:** well

 **rubyraptor:** I was a little behind schedule

 **rubyraptor:** and then we got

 **rubyraptor:** distracted

 **homo__dorkus:** lmaoooooooo

 **rubyraptor:** also he brought his cat and he keeps wanting to snuggle

 **homo__dorkus:** james or the cat

 **rubyraptor:** I mean

 **rubyraptor:** james has only thrown himself on my lap once while I was writing

 **rubyraptor:** and that was because he wanted to order lunch and I couldn’t drag myself away to look at the delivery app to pick what I wanted

 **homo__dorkus:** RIP me

 **homo__dorkus:** here I lie

 **homo__dorkus:** killed by the adorableness

 **homo__dorkus:** of two of my favorite creators working together

 **homo__dorkus:** and banging each other

 **homo__dorkus:** and snuggling with each other/a cat.

 **rubyraptor:** I do kind of feel like I’ve died and found everything I wanted

 **homo__dorkus:** I guess being a Ladybug fan brought you luck

 **rubyraptor:** I mean

 **rubyraptor:** don’t get me wrong, I love you

 **rubyraptor:** but that’s so cheesy I can’t

 **homo__dorkus:** this is why I stick to smut!!

 **homo__dorkus:** ok get back to writing

 **homo__dorkus:** I love you

 **rubyraptor:** love you too :)

 **rubyraptor:** back to it!

* * *

_tumblr – Saturday 29 February, 2020, 11:59 pm_

**rubyraptor:** AND IT’S SUBMITTED!!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **rubyraptor:** I really really *really* wish I could get up and shout and dance around and also probably kiss you at least once

 **prongs-not-forks:** the temptation is mutual

 **prongs-not-forks:** but i really mean it, algernon *will* injure you if you wake him up at this point in his sleep cycle

 **rubyraptor:** I’ve known him less than a day and yet this rings absolutely true

 **prongs-not-forks:** i like the look of him cuddled on your chest

 **rubyraptor:** I like the weight of him

 **rubyraptor:** I just wish I didn’t need to sit here another 20 minutes in silence because I really have to pee

 **rubyraptor:** and also did I mention my overwhelming desire to kiss you???

 **prongs-not-forks:** well good news

 **prongs-not-forks:** i’m quite inventive

 **prongs-not-forks:** and also quite into you

 **prongs-not-forks:** so i am willing to risk literally my face

 **prongs-not-forks:** by coming over to kiss you while he’s sleeping on your chest

 **rubyraptor:** as much as I really appreciate your face

 **rubyraptor:** yes

 **rubyraptor:** please do

 **prongs-not-forks:** anything for you, ariel

 **rubyraptor:** no

 **rubyraptor:** absolutely not

 **rubyraptor:** not just because I’m ginger!

 **rubyraptor:** she and I have very different personalities

 **prongs-not-forks:** right-o, ruby raptor

 **prongs-not-forks:** never again

 **rubyraptor:** good

 **rubyraptor:** now get over here and kiss me, eric darcy

 **prongs-not-forks:** aye aye, captain

 **prongs-not-forks:** this is what prince eric would say on a boat, i imagine

 **rubyraptor:** james!!!

 **prongs-not-forks:** right right

 **prongs-not-forks:** coming, dear :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Boy, that goes fast when you update every other day. Thanks for all of your lovely comments!! They really do mean a lot to me. :)


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